Hey Kids!

So it's been a long time since anyone has posted anything on the blog so i figured what the hell why not post some stuff. So a few things have been going on recently in the news and sports and my personal world. Lets review...

1. The Pirates are just the worst ever. I can't say much else, my frustration with the organization is just billowing over into the realm of pure disgust. The only starters left from the beginning of the year are andy laroche, moss and doumit not counting pitchers. I'm annoyed with the whole situation and don't want to get into it any further.

2. I got promoted so I'm not with Hollister at South Hills Village anymore, so if I have any fun work stories they will come as Store Manager at Ross Park abercrombie kids. I already have had some interesting things happen none needing a story but I'm sure I'll have one soon enough. If you are ever in Ross Park mall come in and say hello.

3. Steelers season kicks off with pre season game one on Thursday. Who gives a shit about pre season? I know I don't. It's nice sometimes to see some of the guys who will never play a snap in a regular season game fighting for their jobs. Still, for the most part games are sloppy, boring, and risk the big name players on the team getting injured. The big story from training camp is obviously Big Ben's rape allegation. I just have a tough time believing that the QB of the reigning super bowl champs needs to rape someone to get some booty. Plus, did you see the chick? I'm not saying Ben is a stud, but he is a multi-millionaire QB of the best football team in the world. I think he could do better. So, we'll see how it all plays out. Regardless of pre-season or not, I'm just glad I have something to watch other than the Succo's.

4. OK so I am a member of the LA fitness that the fellow decided to shoot up. It literally is a minute up the road from my house. I have been going for a year or so and I was going 3 or 4 times a week up until I got my promotion to Ross Park. It has been hard to get into the gym when I have to drive 45 minutes there, work 9 hours and drive all the way back home. So, luckily I had just worked a 9 hour day and drove 45 minutes home so I was not about to go to the gym that night. A few friends from high school however were there. One of them was one who got shot in the knee, the other 2 got out of the class safely. So I wish Melina a speedy recovery, and I'm glad Jen and Lisa got out safe. My dad who is a paramedic and volunteer fireman was at the scene as a staging manager directing all of the emergency response vehicles and keeping things organized, he also was at the Fire Department after he left the scene helping families who didn't know if their relatives were involved. He and all the other police, paramedics and emergency responders and doctors and nurses at the hospitals should always be treated with a great deal of respect as they dedicate their lives to helping others and making the world around us a little more safe. It's a pretty screwed up world sometimes. It seems like things like this are just the most horrible thing that can happen, innocent people being shot is just awful. With how many crazy people there are in the world, I'm just glad stuff like this doesn't happen more often. It's just surreal to have it happen to people you know at a place you go to every week right up the road from your house.

So, that's what is going on in the world today. Sorry to leave on a such a depressing note but I have to get ready for my 45 minute trek to work. Until next time bitches.

Pirates Trades Analysis!

A long time ago, this blog was updated frequently with all your up to date Pittsburgh sports news. Sadly, everyone who has written for this blog has died.

Anyway, The Pirates traded Eric Hinske for two 24 year old bums. This is just a guess but if you're 24 and still in Single A ball, you'll probably never make the majors. Not that this really bugs me. Hinske doesn't need to be here. He didn't really contribute and the team isn't going anywhere. Why not take a chance on two prospects. You never know. We could get lucky.

I like the Morgan for Milledge trade. We need power and its possible Morgan is just a flash in the pan. Although I did like his attitude and work ethic, that hasn't lead to winning games as a team. For the other half of the trade, Burnett had been doing a pretty good job out of the bullpen. Let's hope Joel Hanrahan ca get his stuff together.

That's it. Go Bucs!

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Some Thoughts On A Crazy Week

It's been a crazy week. Not just for me, but in the sports world too. I can't blog like I want to, since I work 60 hours a week, but this is a chance I can mention some stuff, so here it goes....

• How about the Buccos? A pretty solid start for a team that isn't supposed to do much this year. I hope they continue to play this way for the entire season. Could this be the year? Maholm looks like the ace the Pirates need him to be. The Buccos are hitting well too. Home opener is on Monday against the Astros at 1:30pm. They finish up the weekend against the Reds tomorrow.


• Penguins won tonight meaning they will play the Flyers in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs! If Philly loses on Sunday, then the Pens will have home ice in the series. Malkin also won the Art Ross trophy (scoring title). He now joins Mario Lemieux (6), Jaromir Jagr (5), and Sidney Crosby (1) as the only Penguins to win the Art Ross trophy. Some early keys to the Flyers/Penguins playoff series will be the Penguins ability to score on the Power Play and Fleury's ability to shut down the Flyers. Also the physical factor always is important with the Flyers, but I think the Pens can give it right back if they need to. I think they can win the series. I say Pens in 6.


• Tiger Woods is four under par at the Masters. We never talk golf on here, but everyone wants to know about Tiger. It doesn't look good since the leaders are at 11 under par, but ya never know with old Tiger in the hunt going into the final day. I'd watch but I have to work.


• On a sad note, Nick Adenhart, a pitcher with the Los Angeles Angels was killed by a drunk driver on April 9 (my birthday for those that care). But needless to say I felt so horrible when I found out about this. Its really sad to hear about such a great young player with such talent being taken away by someone so careless. It really makes me realize how important it is to enjoy life and take advantage of every opportunity. Adenhart was only 22 and had his entire career and life ahead of him. Just a very sad incident that should have never happened. R.I.P, Nick

Opening Day: Live Blog- Bucs VS. Cards

Greetings from Boston! The weather is shitty and the Sox Opener has been Postponed leaving thousands of Band-wagoners crying across the nation. But we here at CGO could not care less. The Pirates are in St. Louis, they are playing, and with a new season brings new hope. At least for a week or so.

According to the PBC, the weather isn't much better in St. Louis either. It's not raining though, and a game will be played!

Let's check out the line-ups

Bucs

1. Nyjer Morgan, LF

2. Freddy Sanchez, 2B

3. Nate McLouth, CF

4. Ryan Doumit, C

5. Adam LaRoche, 1B

6. Andy LaRoche, 3B

7. Brandon Moss, RF

8. Jack Wilson, SS

9. Maholm, P

Pretty Predictable line-up for the Pirates. Nyjer's got to get a good start to the season after a pretty sub-par spring and Brandon Moss better watch his back with Craig Monroe waiting in the wings showing he's still got some pop in that bat of his.

Cardinals

1. Brendan Ryan, 2B

2. Rick Ankiel, CF

3. Albert Pujols, 1B

4. Khalil Greene, SS

5. Ryan Ludwick, RF

6. Yadier Molina, C

7. Chris Duncan, LF

8. Brian Barden, 3B

9. Wainwright, P

Aside from Pujols the Pirate Killer, this line-up doesn't look to strike fear into anyone (not even the Pirates.) Why is Khalil Greene hitting 4th? He sucks. Let's hope Paul Maholm can improve on last years great pitching performances.

UPDATE: 2 minutes till game time and mlb.tv is already having issues. F my life.

UPDATE: OK, the fsn broadcast is soundless so I'm on the Cardinals Broadcast.

Nice start for Morgan. Base hit sliced to left field.

Morgan Steals. Sanchez strikes out. and McLouth walks.

Doumit flies out to center. 2 Outs

Base Hit Adam Laroches. For the first time in history he's batting 1.000 in April! Bases Juiced.

And Andy strikes out. The Pirates miss a good opportunity but i liked what I saw from Nyjer coming out getting a hit and a steal right off the bat is big. Also, I'm liking the new Unis!

One Pitch One out. Like it.

3 Pitches 2 Outs. Love it.

And there's no I want some more of it as I was going for. Pujols doubles inside the 3rd baseline.

LaRoche makes the catch but had he missed it would have nailed Moss right in the face. 3 Outs and Paul is looking good. Onto the 2nd.

Pirates 0 Cardinals 0

Moss hits to shallow center but a diving catch by Ankiel makes for out number 1.

Jack strikes out looking. 2 outs.

Paul is helping his cause. Base hit into left center.

Nyjer is my new favorite player. 2-2. man on first and second.

Slow Freddy ends the inning with a liner to 2nd onto first for the out.

And Ludwick hits it to third. Laroche picks it up and throws onto Laroche. 1 out.

Molina hits it into center field. McLouth makes the catch. 2 outs.

Double for Duncan as Nyjer lost his footing and doesn't make a play he should have.

But Nate makes a catch in center to end the inning. 3 outs.

Pirates 0 Cardinals 0

UPDATE: The stream for the FSN Pirates game is completely gone now. I don't know if this is MLBTV's fault or FSN's but we all know about Fox's shitty production.

Nate hits a liner to Greene who throws onto first. 1 out.

Pujols ranges to his right to scoop up the ball and throws on to Wainwright. Doumit gone. 2 outs.

LaRoche lines it into right for the 3rd out. Bucs go down in order for the first time.

Wainwright puts the ball in play and reaches first on a stupid misplay by the younger Laroche. One man on.

Brendan Ryan hits a base-hit. 2 men on. no outs.

Ankiel lines it to second. 1 out. But guess who's up.

Pujols loads the bases with a hit up the middle. Let's see how Paul handles Greene.

Of course I talk bad about the guy and Greene gets a base hit. 1-0 Cardinals.

And Ludwick gets a base-hit. 2-0 Cardinals.

Double Play ends the inning.

Cards 2 Pirates 0

Ludwick almost misplays Andy LaRoches fly ball to right. Keyword: Almost. 1 out.

Moss strikes out. 2 Outs.

And Wainwright has sent Seven straight down as Jack gets out.

Ball hit to first. One Out. It seems like the Cards have been swinging at Paul's first pitches recently.

Paul rings up his first K of the day. 2 Outs.

Wainwright with his second hit of the game. Classic Pirates giving up hits to the Pitcher.

Adam L makes the catch in foul territory for the 3rd out.

Onto the 5th

Cards 2 Pirates 0

Paul walks. 1 on.

Nyjer Strikes out. No longer my favorite player. 1 out. 1 on.

Freddy lines out to right. 2 outs.

Nate walks again. 2 on 2 outs for Ryan Doumit.

And Doumit strikes out. Buccos leaving a lot of men on base today.

Ankiel pops it up in the infield and Adam LaRoche makes the catch. 1 away.

And Pujols is human after all. Moss catches a pop up in right field. 2 outs.

Greene hits it softly to Jack, who throws onto first. 3 outs.

Cards 2 Pirates 0

Something cool about MLBTV is that u can add your fantasy baseball players to be tracked during the games. Then whenever your player comes up, it alerts you and allows you to go right to the game your player is playing in.

Classic Adam LaRoche. He strikes out. 1 out.

Wow, that was a gift. Andy LaRoche walks on a 3-2 count.

LaRoche moves to second on a passed ball.

And Wainwright just can't seem to find the zone now. Time for a boring mound visit.

Moss walks. Men on first and second with one out.

LaRussa pulls Wainwright for Josh Kinney.

Wilson flies out to Khalil Greene. 2 outs.

Maholm walks! Bases Loaded for Nyjer.

Trevor Miller comes in to try and retire Morgan.

BASE HIT MORGAN. 2-2 tie game. Guess who's my favorite player again!

Blooper base hit by Sanchez but Maholm gets caught between 3rd and home. Still the Pirates tie it up and we have a whole new ball game.

Bouncer back to Maholm, the throw onto first and Paul has one out in the 6th.

Wilson scoops up a ball hit to short. Throws onto 1st for the 2nd out.

Another error for Andy LaRoche. Let's hope it doesn't come back to bite us in the ass again.

And it doesn't. Infield pop up to Sanchez. Into the 7th we go all tied up at 2.

Nasty Nate Strikes out. One out.

Greene commits an error as Doumit's ball skips right under him. One on One out.

LaRoche strikes out for the second consecutive time. 2 outs.

Larussa is bringing in Kyle McClellan and David Freese for a double switch. Let's hope Andy LaRoche makes up for his earlier miscues.

Nope. One Pitch one Out and that makes 3.

Freese hits the ball softly to third. 1 out.

Ball popped up, caught by LaRoche. 2 outs.

Maholm goes too far inside and hits Ankiel. Something you don't want to do with Pujols on deck.

Ankiel moves to second on a wild pitch. Intentionally walking Pujols. Smart Move.

Maholm's day is done. Double Switch bringing in Yates and Vasquez.

McClouth catches Greene's fly ball to end the inning.

Into the 8th still 2-2.

Moss hits a ball to the warning track but its caught by Ankiel. 1 out.

Wilson strikes out. 2 outs.

Vasquez gets a base-hit. 1 man on. 2 outs.

Morgan bounces into a fielders choice. 3 outs.

Ludwick hits one out. 3-2 Cardinals.

Molina pops out to Sanchez. One out.

Chris Duncan walks.

Shumaker comes in to hit for McClellan.

Shumaker lines a two strike base hit into center. Runners at 1st and 3rd.

Fly ball to Moss for the out but Pinch-Runner Thurston comes home. 4-2 Cards.

Opening Day: Live Blog Coming Monday

These Girls are ready for Opening Day!

Hey Gang! Haven't updated the blog in a while. It seems like either we're all blogging or no one is which doesn't give you much incentive to visit us too often. Anyway, I'll be live blogging the Bucco's opener Monday as well as reviewing MLB.TV's new features. So if you don't have a TV and nothing better to do, Be sure to stop by Classic Gang Only as we watch our beloved Pirates try to avoid another losing season.

Gorzo-GONE-y

Well, it looks like the old weight loss during the off season doesn't make a damn bit of difference for old Gorzo. He was sent down to Triple-A earlier today by Neal Huntington in an apparent effort to send a message. That message being: You Suck.

It's sad, really. I mean just two years ago, Gorzo was the ace of the staff. A future New York Yankee, if you will. In fact, he even got his own bobblehead the following year. (Other notable Pirates Players who received Bobbleheads: Chris Duffy, Ronny Paulino, Mike Williams and his 13.55 ERA. )

Personally, it seems a little pre-mature to send Gorzo down. It's still spring training and we all know Spring Training stats aren't supposed to mean anything. You have a guy who's been successful for you in the past and no one else is really setting themselves apart from the other candidates. I.E. Virgil Vasquez had a terrible outing last night. Why not at least give him a few more spring starts to redeem himself?

On the other hand, maybe this will motivate Tom. If the end result means getting Gorzo back to his 2007 form, I'm all for it.

For Bob Smiziks take on the Gorzo demotion Click Here.

Pirates Indian Pitchers on MSNBC!

I'm sure you've probably all heard this story by now. I like the comment about the new guys pitching beside "the leagues best." Wah Wah Wah

Live Blog: Pirates vs. Phillies

Hey Gang! I have nothing better to do today so I'm going to blog live from Bradenton, Florida! And by Bradenton, Florida I mean Shitty Boston. Yay. I'll give you my take on this meaningless game, as well as how I feel about new announcer Tim Everett.

Congratulations to Steve Blass on his 50th year of Pirates Announcing. (I think thats what I heard but I'm not sure. Maybe its his 50 years in the organization. Either way Blass is old!)

So Chris Bootcheck is starting today and he led off the game with a first pitch strike. Greg made a comment about how Joe Kerrigan wants to see a lot of first pitch strikes this year. No Shit Greg. Although this has been a major problem of Pirates pitchers in the past. Then again what hasn't been a problem of Pirates Pitchers?

And Bootcheck sets them down 1-2-3. Striking out Shane Victorino.

And here comes the Buccos.....

Nyjer Morgan leads off against Jamie-Old As Shit-Moyer. One hopper to Rollins and he's out.

Freddy gets a single. Hopefully he's healthy this year and returns to some semblance of his 2007 form.

I'm beginning to realize how boring its going to be if I blog about every at bat so I'm only going to mention important things. Lesson Learned.

Chan Ho Park explains to Ronnie how to suck effectively.

RONNIE PAULINO SIGHTING: I completely forgot Paulino was traded to the Phillies. Apparently he made the trip but won't be playing today because he is asleep.

After Striking out Ryan Howard, The Bullpen Bully, Matt Capps just walked the bases loaded. Luckily, this is only spring training.

Capps just got out with an inning ending double play. Tits!

Apparently Walk and Wehner aren't in Florida yet. Well they are in Florida, just at the airport bar.

And Laroche strikes out looking. His in-season approach to spring training is getting off to a beautiful start.

Moyer walks back to back Buccos. Runners on first and second. LaRoche out.

And Jack ends the inning with a two hopper.

On to the third...

Jimmy-our fans suck-Rollins just hit a one out single off the Big Chief. And yes, Philly fans do suck!

And Rollins scores from 2nd on a Raul Ibanez single.

Greg and Steve were just poking fun at how big the Chief is. This reminds me of another fat ass pitcher we used to have.....

So my internet just went out but I guess Freddy is working on the cycle with an opposite field double. I'm guessing Morgan got on and scored a run cuz it's now Buccos 1 Phillies 1.

And Adam is up to his old tricks, striking out again. I like LaRoche. I really do. I mean his theme song is from the Karate Kid and who doesn't love that song?

And our Rule 5 draft pick, Donnie Veal, is on the mound. He gives off a lead-off single Jenkins. Donnie is not related to the great Bob Veal. Although he may be related to Ann-the wall-Veal. Arrested Development reference, anyone?

UPDATE: Donnie Veal is black. Ann Veal is not. There goes my theory that they are related. Also, Veal got out of the inning. Apparently a nice double play was turned by the BFF's Freddy and Jack.

Ronnie woke up and seems to be catching behind the plate! Oh wait, he's behind the plate but he's still asleep.

We have 2 aboard for Jack Wilson. He's probably my favorite Pirates and I'm glad he's still on the team. It's hard to believe that his 200 hit season was 5 years ago.

And Jack gives them a two run lead but it went off someones glove. Brandon Moss scores on the Wilson Base-Hit.

2-1 Pirates

Jeffy Salazar, pinch hitting for Nyjer Morgan, swings at one out of the zone and strikes out.

Shelby Ford hits a line-drive home-run over the right field wall 5-1 Bucs!

And the inning is over.

Major Substitutions: Diaz, McCutchen, Walker, and Hinske are in somewhere. You can probably figure out where.

And Paulino is at the plate with a bat in his hands. Don't let it fool you though. Yes, he is still asleep.

Tim Everett has entered the booth. I'd say he has a good baseball voice. He sounds familiar, but can't pinpoint who he sounds like right now.

The pitcher accidentally hit Paulino's bat and the ball flew in the air but someone caught it. Paulino out!

Hinske makes a fine catch in left field and we are out of the inning.

Diaz gets a base-hit. Steve Pearce hits one inside the third base line for extra bases and Diaz is waved home.

6-1 Pirates!

Wow, judging by the views counter people are actually reading the blog. Hopefully they aren't all Huha. Feel free to post comments telling me how awesome or how much of a douchebag I am!

The bases are loaded as Hinske draws the walk. Pine-Richlands own Neil Walker steps to the plate.

Walker gets out at third but a run still scores. Credit Walker with the RBI.

7-1 Pirates!

Machado gets a base hit.

8-1 Pirates!

Double Play ends the inning.

And Tim Everett is taking us the rest of the way. Lanny is somewhere in a corner crying.

Mateo gets out of the inning. Nothing too exciting happened here.

In other news, ESPN 2 shows soccer in the afternoon. You know why? Because Soccer sucks and nobody is going to watch it anyway.

And Shelby Ford follows up his home-run with a pop out. If he makes the big league club, Greg Brown can say "And Ford "Drives" in a run! hahahahahahahahah. Get it?

3 up and 3 down go the Bucs. Let's go to the Seventh!

Craig Hansen is now pitching for the Bucs. You all remember him of course as part of the Bay Trade. Yeah, the one with blazing speed but no control.

I just checked over at some of the comments at the PBC Blog. Baywatch doesn't seem to care for my language.

Baywatch wrote re: Play ball: Exhibition season begins (Day 12)

on Wed, Feb 25 2009 7:45 PM

jasonbice is using bad words over there. I guess I'm used to a family-friendly blog.

Well in baseball they use bad words, so catch 22.

Anyway, Hansen Strikes out 2. 3 up and 3 down. Looking Good.

And our first round pick, Pedro Alvarez strikes out and looks like crap doing it. First at-bat jitters?

Hinske hits a long fly ball but its caught in front of the bullpen. 2 Outs.

Inning over. Let's go to the 8th. Pirates still lead 8-1.

Evan Meek comes to the mound. For those of you who don't remember. Evan Meek was the rule 5 draft pick last year who was responsible for us losing the home opener.

Fairly uneventful inning. Meek does a swell job.

These spring training games get boring towards the end eh?

Well hey gang, it's been real. I'm going to cut out early because I have other things to do. Like watch Full House. Let me know what you think of the live blog.

Here is the Pirates official recap of today's game.

The Bucco's Are Coming...

Don't look now Pirate fans, but the season is just around the corner. In fact, the Pirates first spring training game is set for early next week against the Minnesota Twins, so gear up for another season of baseball in the burgh!

This isn't really a season preview, but I like to give my opinion about the old Bucs. As most know, just like Bice, I am very pessimisstic when it comes to the Buccos. Don't get me wrong, I like going to games, I like the team, and I really, really hope they do well. But I am somewhat of a realist when it comes to the Pirates and I like others, realize that the direction of this team will not change until ownership changes. And when I say change, I don't mean Bob Nutting wakes up one day and isn't a greedy bastard and decides the good people of Pittsburgh deserve a winner. I mean a new owner must take over the reigns of the club. I do feel like their is a little bit of hope with Frank Coonely and Neal Huntington running the operations though. It's just a wait and see situation.

Now on to this season. I think the Buccos will do worse than last year. With two LaRoche's on your team, you are almost asking for a loser. The pitching staff/bullpen are still very questionable. The only positive is that the position players coming back; Nasty Nate, Freddy, Doumit and Jack Flash are a positive. I say they win 65 games this year. Even if they prove me wrong, I don't think they win any more than 70 games. With this type of lineup I just don't see it any other way.

Also....I was thinking that since the Buccos are so horrible and haven't won in so long, what is it that keeps the fans interested? Individual performances from our star players? We don't have many, but it does keep fans interested. Don't tell me for one second that you didn't pull for Freddy when he was chasing a batting title in 2006 or that you didn't want Nate to have a career year last season, which he did. I always hoped Jason Bay would be closing in on 40 homers at the end of the season so you had some interest in the club. I guess we can only hope that Nate wins another Gold Glove and somehow Freddy manages to win another batting title. I can only hope.

First Friday the 13th of the Year AND V-Day WEEKEND LINKS

Welcome to the start of another weekend, I'm Huha with your weekend links.

If you've been following the past few weeks, you know that I open up with a little ditty like this, then just list the links I think you should take the time to look at over the weekend. Well, we're gonna switch up the format a little bit this weekend, and you can let me know how you feel about the changes in the COMMENTS or by leaving the flaming bag of poo on my porch, ringing the doorbell, and running away.

AND HERE WE GO...

-We start off this week in Sussex, England, and if you've seen the photo at the top, then you know where I'm headed with this. No, that boy is not looking after his little sister, it's his daughter. He's 13, the MUM (they're British you know) is 15. This just seems so wrong on so many levels. I have a cousin right around his age, and I can't imagine him going out and having a kid. This situation is messed up, but it's still not as messed up as the Angelina-wanna-be out in Cali that just had the Octuplets. I mean seriously here, you have 6 kids ALREADY, and you struggle to take care of them financially, then you get some wacko doctor to give you invitro, so you can have more joy into the world. No problem here though, as Octuplet-mommy has now launched a website for you to donate and help raise those kids. Someone's ending up at the shrink when they're older.

-Bice used to contribute these incredibly funny articles for The Clarion Call a few years ago, which it would be nice if I could still find them online to post as an example here. But anyways, he wrote this one article about the Greek system, and I kind of thought of it when I came upon more fun stuff from jolly-old England. It seems people are shocked and aghast at the fact that initiation to secret societies is bizarre and so out-landish, but there's been movies made to glorify this, so it's really not so secret. Come on people, this stuffs been going on for hundreds of years, and what guy wouldn't mind some random girl at the DIX party (sorry Bicey, had to use that one) coming up and kissing you. If it's worth it to act a fool to get those friends, then by all means you can do it that way. I'll just stand by and laugh.

-The Golf Channel of all places seems to be the bastion for controversial comments early on in the year, now each of the past 2 years. Last January, Kelly Tilghman said something along the lines of the younger players would need to gang up on Tiger Woods and lynch him in a back alley, just so they'd be able to win tournaments.
Hell, she's friends with Tiger, and he saw no ill intent with what she said. But boom, some activists come out, and she's put in the sin-bin for 2 weeks.
Let's fast-forward to within the past few weeks, Andrew McGee was doing a back-and-forth with Gary McCord (who's gotten himself in trouble in the past at The Masters), when McGee made a comment about a t-shirt he saw. Now, Judge Smails and his buddies down at Bushwood, must've seen this broadcast, because Golf Channel sure heard about it through the message boards and e-mails, and have now suspended McGee for a week.
The comment you ask? 'I got kicked out of the Boy Scouts for eating a brownie.'
There has to be some other underlying reason why he's suspended, because you have to be a total prude to suspend somebody over that, he really could've said far worse.

-People always liked to joke when I attended Clarion that I'd probably never graduate, but after 6-some years, I finally thought it was time to end the Van Wilder (minus the golf cart) act, and face the real world. Now, it hasn't taken many people longer to finish their undergrad, but somebody made me feel really good about myself this past week. Former Dallas Cowgirls QB and current FOX analyst Troy Aikman is finally graduating this May from UCLA, after (get this) 20+ years. Now, I really should joke about this here, but he had 2 great underlying reasons to leave when he did, and come back now:
1) He was going to the NFL, where he'd make an incredible amount of money.
2) He promised his mother he'd eventually return to finish his degree, and he was only 2 classes short of graduation at the time.
Now for the funny part of this. I know Troy was a part of the 1990s Dallas football teams, but come on, he never had any time over the summer to somehow finish those 2 classes? There's people I've known, and myself, that have used those summer classes to make stuff up, or finish off degrees. Seriously, what the heck is he doing in the off-seasons that he couldn't have finished it up like maybe 15-18 years ago??? At least 20 years is better than never graduating at all.

-And finally, if you watched ESPN or MLB Network (my new drug) at any point within the past week, you know that Alex Rodriguez used performance-enhancing drugs during his time with the Texas Rangers. As soon as I had found this out last Saturday, one of the first thoughts to come to my head was: "Who will be the first person to call him A-Roid, or will some PA announcer, the one at Fenway for instance, say 'To the plate, the third baseman, Alex Roid-riguez, Roid-riguez'" Well, I found this shirt online, and while MLB would never approve, you know you will see shirts just like it at ballyards all across the country this summer. It's a shirt I'd definitely buy, especially since I hated him since he went to the Yankees, and now even more that he cheated to give himself some sort of competitive edge. Hey at least we know none of the Pirates shoot up. (By the way, here's WHYGAV's Bucco's Season Preview)

SEE YA NEXT WEEK!

Fat Gorzo loses weight!

Tom and his trainer during a break in their off season workout.

Good news Pirate fans. Your season is saved. Old Gorzelanny will be showing up to camp 15 pounds lighter, according to an article in today's Post-Gazette. The losing ends now!

Is it just me or do we get an article like this every year? Some player, who underperformed the last season, shows up to camp 15 pounds skinnier yet still ends up playing like garbage. I specifically remember such articles for Fat Ronny Paulino and Craig Wilson but I'm sure there have been more. However, there was one about Ryan Doumit last year, but I think he put on muscle so who knows.

My question is "Why are these guys out of shape in the first place?" Sure, they play baseball, which is the laziest sport in the world, but come on, it shouldn't be that hard to take care of yourself. And why did management let him get to this point? Wouldn't it be in their best interest to keep tabs on someone who was their best pitcher just one year prior?

Maybe this is why Jeff Andrews was fired. Hopefully the new pitching coach will make sure Tom stops having hamburger eating contests with Matt Capps.

10 Questions About the Upcoming Penguins Season

We have all been so caught up in the return of our beloved Steelers that some people have forgotten that Penguins season gets underway very soon. Preseason starts in a short 9 days with the Pens taking on the Lighting and the regular season starts in less than a month on October 4th in Stockholm against the Sens. There are a number of things I am looking at as the season gets underway.



1.) Will Evgeni Malkin bounce back after a piss poor performance in the playoffs? I thought at first it was a load of shit that Malkin plays better without Crosby. I thought it was just that he finally turned on the switch and was just going to continue to dominate with Crosby's return. But durning the playoffs he slowed considerably and just did not come up big for us. Who knows what the outcome would have been if Malkin had been playing in the playoffs like he did in the regular season. Hopefully he can bounce back to form and take kids to school like he did last year.



2.) Am I the only one who is super pumped that Ryan Whitney is hurt? Ryan Shitney, what the hell happened to you? I thought he was going to be the next Gonchar with even better defensive skills. He gets the big check and starts shitting himself. He couldn't keep the puck in on the PP he was making bonehead passes and mistakes that led to a lot of scoring chances for opposing teams. Hopefully with the 3 months or so he is going to need to take a seat we can have a Marc Andre Fleury effect on him. The best thing that happened to Fleury was being able to sit back and watch how Conklin managed the game. If Shitney does that, he could get back to the level we need him to be at, and if not, he is some serious contention for trade bait. Him being out also leads me to my next point...



3.) Will this season be a breakout year for Kris Letang? I have loved Letang since I first set eyes on him (not in a gay way). He's got a great shot, great speed, solid skating, great puck handling, good D. You name it the kid has it. With Shitney on the bench Letang will get more time on the PP. I think his fear of shooting the puck that he had last year will go away. I think some of the rookie mistakes will go away. I'm not saying his game will be perfect, the kid is still young. I am going to say though watching him this past year and seeing that when he did make a mistake he hauled ass and did everything in his power to fix it, I'm sure any concerns or issues with his game will be resolved coming in to this season and he will be a big piece of the puzzle this year.



4.) Will Marc-Andre Fleury continue his outstanding play? As I mentioned before, the best thing that ever happened to MAF was getting hurt last year. He came back a smarter goalie with better stick skills and more control. He is one of if not the most athletic goalie in the league. When he gets his style and form perfected, not only will he make the routine great saves, but he can make the saves that no other goalie can make just because of his athletic abilities. My only concern is that in the past he has shown himself to get rattled and be a little inside his own head, if he can shake the head trash the man will be a top 5 goalie.



5.) Could it be .....Satan? I want to see what this guy, along with Fedotenko, can do playing on a line with Crosby or Malkin. They have produced in the past, I want to see how they are going to fit in the puzzle.



6.) Will losing Malone, Laraque, and Ruutu etc. be a big deal? I have never been big on Ryan Malone, I think he played great in the playoffs and everything but the truth his his production never really went up even when playing on lines with 2 of the best players in the world. Even a shithead like Robbie Brown looked like a hero when he was playing with Mario. Malone was a behemoth who sat in front of the net, get any big guy in front and Malkin and Crosby will get you 25 goals. I'm more concerned with losing our tough guys. I loved Ruutu, and Big Georges for that matter. I am just hoping that Cooke and fill in when Ruutu left off and Godard can handle the puck behind the net or an entire shift like Laraque could.


(This picture is on the Pens Blog, It is hilarious)

7.) Will God smack the Red Wings with an injury to Hossa? You should never wish ill will upon someone so I am not saying I want Hossa to get hurt. I'm just saying wouldn't it be kind of funny if he did get hurt. That or Detroit didn't even make the playoffs. That might be even better. He wanted to go to a team that he thought had a better chance of winning the cup and they don't even make the playoffs. Lets all cross our fingers.



8.) Will the Pens stay healthy? Fucking high ankle spains galore last season almost jepordized the year for the Pens. Injuries will happen, but I think that for the most part the team shouldn't have the issues of last year and be for the most part healthy.



9.) Will Jordan Staal get out of his offensive funk? Jordan Staal is my boy. He plays great defence, is great on the PK and has solid all around skill, not to mention he is still a teenager. He was getting great chances last year and coming up short. His rookie season the shots that he had going in would hit the post last year. He still got the scoring chances and he still played great all around hockey. He had a very soild playoffs and I think that showed his maturation as a player and I think he will feed off that for this season. The scary thing about Staal is that he is so young he will only put on more muscle and get bigger, faster and stronger. I just really hope he is not a salary cap casualty at the end of this season because I think he is going to have 30-40 goals when it is all said and done.



10.) Last but not least will the Pens repeat as Eastern Conference champs? Short answer, Yes they will. There is no reason why the Pens should not repeat. Sure they lost Hossa, but we didn't have him for the majority of the season. I think that there are no teams in the East who can match the Pens, if they come out of the gate swinging this season instead of lolligagging like they did last year, I think the Pens should end the regular season tops in the East. They should then be able to march back to the Cup Finals and hopefully take the whole damn thing.

So there you have it. I just had to let people know we have not forgotten the Pens and as the season quickly approaches. Also, let's all take a moment to realize that as a city Pittsburgh has some of the greatest sports teams in the world. I hope all of you reading this realize how lucky we are to be able to go to Heinz Field to watch the Stillers or Mellon Arena for a Pens game and yes even PNC park to watch the Succo's. This shit is so sweet. Let's go Pens.

Defending the Pirates trades

Now it's blatantly obvious that the Pittsburgh Pirates are absolutely crapticular. However, as of late, I've been hearing people bash the tandem of CEO Frank Coonelly and GM Neil Huntington. I, for one, happen to be completely on board with what they are trying to do. I will now explain to you all why I agree with what they are doing with our beloved Pirates.

1. The Bay and Nady trades

This seems to the the hot button issue amongst Pirate fans. People have told me, "Bones, if we would have kept those two and our pitching wasn't awful we might make a run at .500." Let's face it, if there was a perfect storm for the Pirates this season (Bay, Nady, Doumit, etc hitting like they were, Snell and Gorzo didn't have their heads up their asses, and so on) they would still be behind the Brewers and Cubs. Might make a run at .500 but aside from that nothing special. I don't want a run at .500. I want a consistant winner. Coonelly and Huntington aren't striving for mediocrity.

The past GM was criticized for buying high and selling low. I'm not going to mention his name because he was so god damn horrible at his job but wikipedia has all of his failures in one nice neat little package. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Littlefield.

The values of Bay and Nady weren't going to get any higher. Especially that of Nady who was hitting way past his career numbers and considering he hasn't played more than 120 games in a season.

In return for these trades, they received a plethora of pitchers (in case none of you have noticed the pitching has been horrible). Maybe none of these pitchers will be all-stars but the lack of pitching depth in the organization is pathetic. Huntington is trying his damndest to restock the cupboard that the prior GM (who shall still remain nameless) left bare.

They also acquired Jose Tabata, a 20 year old, ultimate boom or bust prospect. However, he has hit the ball extremely well down in Altoona since his arrival. In one trade, he became the second best prospect in the Pirates system. Players like Tabata are sorely lacking in the Pirates system. His ceiling is higher than Ricky Williams and Matt Jones.



Brandon Moss and Andy LaRoche came over in the Bay trade. Also coming along was pitcher Bryan Morris (according to some sources he is one of our top pitching prospects now). Moss and LaRoche have had a rough go of it so far, as do most young baseball players. They have the potential to succeed.

What it comes down to in my mind with the trades is this: Were the Pirates going to get over the top with Bay and Nady? The answer is no.

2. Drafting

The mess with top choice, Pedro Alvarez, not withstanding the new regime did excellent in the draft. The prior GM wouldn't have had the nuts to draft Alvarez because of signability issues. We'll wait and see what happens with Pedro and his "advisor" Scott BorASS to pass final judgement.

After the Moskos/Wieters abortion (which still pisses me off to this very day), they had to make a statement that we aren't cheap and this isn't the same old shit. For your own perusal I'll give you Moskos's stats http://www.thebaseballcube.com/players/M/daniel-moskos.shtml and those of Mr. Wieters http://www.thebaseballcube.com/players/W/matt-wieters.shtml. Comforting thought isn't it? I'm going to go on to something else before I puke all over the keyboard.

They signed great talent above slot such as Robby Grossman, Quinton Miller, and Wesley Freeman. They've built an baseball academy in the Dominican and signed some players from Latin America. The past GM didn't get the memo that high quality talent comes from Latin America. They weren't able to come to terms with second round pick Tanner Scheppers but he wanted first round money with a bum shoulder. They'll now have two second round picks in next year's draft.

They are finally spending money in the right places. Putting it into the farm system as opposed to washed up/end of the line/re-tread losers. I'm not going name these bums because there are way too many and I don't feel like it. The owner Bob Nutting is actually opening up his wallet to help develop young talent. They have to build from the ground up. If Tampa Bay, the Brewers, Twins, A's can do it, then why can't the Pirates?

The Post-Gazette recently ranked the Pirates top 10 prospects (not counting Pedro) http://postgazette.com/pg/08246/908643-63.stm. The new regime has brought in 4 out of the 10 in just this season. This isn't counting Moss or LaRoche either.

In closing, I can definitely understand the Pirates fans who don't want to sit through another rebuilding project. We've all heard this same song and dance before. 16 losing seasons in a row is inexcusable and embarrassing. The rebuilding wasn't done right under Cam Bonerfay and the nameless GM. I'm convinced that Coonelly and Huntington are going about it correctly. It's going to take time and it's not going to happen overnight but stick with these guys. They'll have the Pirates back to contention.

On a totally unrelated note, I would like to thank Bice for giving me the chance to write here even though he shits all over me. Not literally because that would be weird and gross. How is he in position to give fantasy football tips? Just look who wins. I still haven't figured out how I was responsible for Katrina and AIDS.

Until next time kids....

10 Things I Hate About Bones!

Introducing our newest blogger!

In honor of our newest blogger, Bones, I was going to compile a list of 10 things I hated about him. Then I realized that there are so many things I despise about this rat bastard, that there's no possible way I could cut them down into a list that small. So instead, I'll give you 10 important facts that everyone should know in case they ever have the displeasure of seeing Bones on the street.

1. Bones is an internet sensation

A couple years ago, I helped Bones make a music video for a class to the classic Wham! hit "Jitterbug". Soon after uploading it online, the video reached over 100,000 views and apparently everyone in the small town Bones is from had seen it. Ever since, Bones has considered his success "a Blessing and a curse."

2. Bones is really Pau Gasol

Take a good look at the person on the left, now look at the person on the right. One of these people is Bones, the other is Los Angeles Lakers Forward Pau Gasol. Both are tall, skinny, white, and can't dance. In fact these two are so similar that they must be the same person. Bones is Pau and Pau is Bones. Now you may be wondering how he pulled off going to college with me and playing in the NBA at the same time. Well it's quite simple really. In school, we always accused Bones of being lazy since all he ever did was sleep. Sure, we would try and wake him up but he'd just lay there. My guess is that Bones would just leave a lifelike doll of himself lying around so we wouldn't get suspicious. Well played Bones, well played!

3. Video Games put the Fucks to Bones

It's true. Everytime Bones plays Mario Kart against us and loses, he exclaims "They Put The Fucks To Me." Apparently, the video game knows what controller Bones is using and does everything it can to make him lose. Artificial Intelligence has really made strides hasn't it.

4. Bones Loves Miller Lite

And who doesn't. Miller Lite is such a delicious beer. On weekends, Bones can be seen sharing a round at Double Play with Crippler, Junior, and Dan Potash. Good friends. Good Beer. That's what Bones always says.

5. I Beat Bones in a Best of 7 Beer Pong Tournament

Everyone else was gone one weekend so Bones and I decided we would have a best of 7 beer pong tournament. The loser would have to wear a bracelet with "Get this Party Started" inscribed on it. I quickly went down 3-1 but came back and won 3 straight matches to win the tourney. Then it was like 10 o'clock and we were too drunk and tired to do anything else, so we went to sleep.

6. Bones likes Men

Not that there's anything wrong with it, but Bones won't admit it. Recently, he has been slipping up, though. Point in Case: The other day, Bones' Dad said he was going to hop in the shower and Bones said "I'll be right behind you." Not gay enough for you? Well, later that night Bones was at the bar talking about how he gets worried when he doesn't know where Junior is. "He'll come up behind me and I'll either get a dick in the ass OR something bad might happen," he said. Gee Bones, a dick in the ass would constitute "something bad happening" if indeed you were straight.

7. Bones is responsible for 9/11

He's also responsible for such travesties as Hurricane Katrina, AIDS, and the Pirates 16 losing seasons.

8. Bones hates Matthew Perry

According to Bones, Matthew Perry is a fat coke head. I don't recall Matthew Perry being fat or a coke head. I think Bones is just trying to keep his love of "Friends" a secret. I got him a "Friends" party pack for Christmas one year and he gave it away. After I had taken all that time to find the perfect gift. Some friend....

OK, those are all the facts I can think of to describe Bones. That, and I'm too lazy to talk about him any more. If someone wants to contribute more facts, be my guest.

Succo's Trade

It's not positive yet but we just got word that Nady and Marte are out for some bums from the shit stain Yankees. Nice job fellas, way to work it through. So we get rid of one of our decent relief pitchers and one of our most consistantly solid players for an average relief pitcher and some minor league bums. Fuck that. The Pirates after shitting the bed after the all star break this is all we need. It's bottom of the 7th and we are losing 6-4. So we are probably going to lose after a string of a few good wins. Duke let up 5 today and pretty much licks male genitals. Remember when he was supposed to become our ace? Well he blows along with our other starting pitchers. Maholm, who was been the sole bright spot has been doing well and I will not complain about him. Still, we needed a starting pitcher and should have gotten one out of Nady and we easily could have. Not some turds who play in AA. I may be wrong and these guys develop into great players. But we will probably trade them when they start to produce anyways. Trading Nady will not help us reach .500 for the first time since I was a little kid pissing in my pants. I support the Pirates with every inch of myself. I love to go to games and I love to watch them on TV. I love the sports teams of this fine city like they are my children. And when your child does something stupid you still want to smack them on the ass. Well Succos, if you were my child, with the dumb shit you do, your ass would be red as those lame ass jerseys you are rocking.

What The Buc?! Pirates vs. Rockies 7/19/08

5 hits 5 runs in 1 inning! Awesome.
So I'm watching the Bucco game on my dad's porch from my laptop. If you're a Pirates fan, you already know how its going. Shitty. The Pirates pitching staff with the exception of Paul Maholm has been total garbage this year. Littlefield really fucked up this team as we have no pitching depth in the minors. Johny V, Brian Bullington, Yoslan Herrera, all total garbage. As we speak it's 7-1. Great Job Pirates. I usually (and foolishly) don't give up on the Pirates season this early but it looks like this year I'm going to have to. It's a real shame because they actually have an offense that could contend. BLAH.

Yankees Blow Dong

So, I went to the Buccos game last night against the penis eating Yankees. Nasty Nate took one deep in the 7th for a two run shot which gave us the W. I have been saying Nate was a hero for years. I know some people can back me on this. I have been saying it because I hate Chris Duffy with a passion. I would always say "why is Shits Duffy starting? Nate McClouth should be in there at center, he's better than that head case Duffy." Most people would tell me that I was crazy and Duffy was awesome. Well, Chris Duffy is in AA Altoona and Nate is on the All-Star team. So suck my sack bitches. Anyways, I came up with an awesome idea to get a blown up picture of Madonna's and hold it up at the game to heckle A-rod with it. Me and my buddy Sam, who got the tickets and kindly invited me to the game, ended up getting two of these blown up pictures and proceeded to yell things like "Hey A-Rod, I got your girl" and "I love you A-rod, when's the divorce gonna be finalized?" Regardless of if he saw us or not, all of the Yankees fans hung their heads in shame and the Pirates fans cheered as we walked down to third base and heckled Mr. Rodriguez. The glory only lasted a matter of seconds as the dick head that was manning the section forced us to leave his sector. PNC Park should fire this man as he is not a Pirates fan and a communist. Still, I feel the plan was a success as A-rod went 0-4 and more importantly the Bucco's get the win. We take the series from the team that represents all that is evil about professional sports and all is right in the world. Now all the Buccos need to do is get to .500. If they do, my weener will be erect for months.


JASON: I totally agree about the weener thing. We should make mention of how awesome Paul Maholm has been this year. He's gone 16 innings his past two games giving up only 3 runs in that time. He's also been fantastic since the end of May. I guess striking out Billy Crystal gave him that extra boost of confidence he needed to take it to the next level. Bob Smizik wrote an article about how he may want to avoid becoming the Pirates Ace.

http://postgazette.com/pg/08193/896382-194.stm

I Hate JVB!

John Van Benschoten is the worst Pitcher in history

Why is this no good bum still on the team? Not just on the big league squad, but any of the minor league affiliates, as well? He hasn't pitched a decent game since his first major league start 4 years ago, and yet we've set him to the mound three times this year. Awful! Bring up Yoslan Herera or some handicapped kid from the Make-A-Wish foundation. Either one would improve our chances of winning.

As it stands, The Buccos look like they are going to land about the same place they landed last year around the All-Star Break, about 8 games under .500. I love this team more than anybody but the pitching simply has to get better. Look out for my midseason report coming soon.

AsStro Kicking

I just finished eating a great homemade meal by my mommy and I thought it would be a good idea to sit down and enjoy a Pittsburgh Pirates baseball game. I was wrong. As I sit here, the top of the first inning has ended and the Buccos are already losing 3 to 0. "Funky" Phil Dumatrait gave up 4 hits in the first. Looks like I better find somthing else to do this evening, like building with lego's or somthing. Maybe I'll find a pussy to play with. Yeah, a nice pussy. I know what you perverts are thinking, but I mean a nice little kitten. MORONS!

UPDATE: I can't stop watching. I feel like that kid that can't stop wacking it even after his parents have caught him in the act, but thats another story for another day. The Bucco's have once again proved me wrong. The Pirates now lead the Astros 4 to 3 after one inning of play. Maybe I should stick this one out and leave the pussy...I mean kittens alone.

UPDATE: Nate The Great has just hit his 16th Home Run of the season to give the Buccos a 5 to 3 lead over the Astros.

UPDATE: The X-man (Xavier Nady) drives in J-Bay (Jason Bay) with a double. Buccos lead 6 to 3.

UPDATE: My mom keeps yelling at me to do somthing, so I guess I'll wrap this up. Right now the Buccos lead 6 to 3 with a runner on first and two outs in the top of the 3rd inning. I decided just now that it would be cool to do a post with older sports uniforms. Starting sometime this week I'll make a sweet list of the "classic" sports uniforms that aren't around anymore. It will be super sweet, so don't miss it! By the way leave a comment if you think this chipmunk that the Astros chose as their mascot is a complete faggot.

FINAL: Buccos Win! Buccos Win! The Buccos won this game 10 to 7 over the Houston Astros and their gay mascot. This is a big win for the Buccos considering they got the shit kicked out of them against The Brew Crew. Big win. Lets Go Bucs!