Friday, January 9, 2009

Customer Service

As promised in my previous blog I will now share a story with all of you about my holiday season adventures at Hollister. I really like my job as a manager at Hollister on a day to day basis. The people I work with are great. The vast majority of customers are nice people. There are however from time to time some of the most absurd people in the history of time who grace my store and make me want to kill people. This story involves a woman, a coat and a few unsuspecting children/customers caught in the crossfire.

First some backstory on Abercrombie/Hollister's company policy. It is part of that policy that price adjustments can be done within 14 days of your purchase. So for those of you who are wondering just what the fuck i am talking about, this means that if you buy something and it goes on sale within 14 days we can give it to you for sale price if you have your receipt. If it is outside of 14 days you are basically shit out of luck.

So Tammy Twat Bag comes in and asks me if she can get a price adjustment on her coat. I say "Sure thing! As long as it is within 14 days that is no problem!" I look at the receipt and see it has been over 14 days since she bought said coat. In fact it was more like 20.

So, I say, "Oh I'm sorry it has been over 14 days I can't give you the price adjustment. Anything else I can help you with?"

She gives a little attitude and then says "Why not? It's $60 cheaper now I should be able to get it back.

Me- "We can't do any price adjustments outside of 14 days, If you want to return this coat and look to see if you find another coat on sale that is fine. I just can't adjust the price on this one."

Tammy Twat Bag thinking she will beat the system - "Well how about this? I'm just going to return the coat and then re-buy is for the sale price."

Me- "We can't do that mam, we take all of our returns into the back to re-sensor them and inspect them for quality issues before we can re-sell them."

Tammy Twat - "Well you don't need to do that because I'm just re-buying it."

Me- "Well actually I do need to do that it is company policy."

Twat - "Well that's ridiculous, I should be allowed to do this it's $60"

Me- "I'm sorry you feel it is ridiculous but it is company policy and I can't do anything about it. You can look for the coat on the floor, return this coat and just buy the new one for the sale price but that's all I can do for you."

Twat (with infant child in arms)- This is fucking stupid. Fine, where are they?

I direct her to the coats and go about my business of running the store. She however finds it necessary to create a scene by cursing, slamming things and being a bitch especially to her children who did nothing to provoke her assholery. She gets back in line to again disrupt everyone shopping and irritating me more. She brings the coat up and then realizes that, at her own fault, she picked up the wrong size. Swears some more slams shit around kicked a chair in our lounge area and says "I have to fucking wait in line again?" She then begins to whine for about 10 minutes about just returning and re buying the coat to no avail. I think she was half expecting me to change my stance on company policy because she was being a rude bitch, not the case. Even if she would have been even remotely nice I still would not have done it because it's AGAINST FUCKING COMPANY POLICY. I don't think she realizes that being a bitch will never get you what you want in Trick's world. She then says "This is fucking ridiculous I'm leaving." Scoffs, pushes yet another chair and physically abuses one of her children by grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the store.

You think the story is over well think again.

About an hour later I see her back in the store. Now at some point in that hour between our meetings she bought another coat. One of the cashiers calls me over and tells me the coat she was trying to return was not on the receipt she provided.

The bitch was trying to return the coat she had just purchased for $80 as the $140 coat she had bought before. Yeah, she was a real piece of work.

Me- "Mam this is not the same coat as is on here I can't return it with this receipt"

Twat - "Why not?"

Me- "Because it's not the same coat, I can't return it with the receipt to a different coat"

Twat- " Why? I just want this coat for the $80 dollars and your stupid store won't return it so I can just re buy it so I'm returning this one so I can get the $60 back."

Me- "Mam that makes no sense at all."

Twat - "I just want the $60 dollars back and you say you can't do it. I think that this is bullshit"

Me- "I'm sorry you feel that way but I don't make the policies, I just follow them"

Twat- "I just don't get why I can't do this and get my money back"

Me- "Mam, I told you it has been over 14 days, we don't do price adjustments after 14 days. It even says so on the back of your receipt. I gave you the option to buy another coat and return this one. It's not the store's fault we don't have any of your size left. I can't just let you return and re buy it. We take everything in the back like I said, I can't change that."

Twat- "What so now I have two fucking coats, what am I going to do with two coats, this is so crazy I can't even believe this."

I wish to take this time to remind you that this is going on at a busy time of the day with about 20 customers consisting of men, women and children all in earshot. Many of whom were her own children who I would like to take the time to say a prayer for as they have a lunatic mother and my end up doing harm to themselves or others at her behalf.....

OK now back to the story.

Me- " It's not crazy it's completely logical. I can't return your coat that you paid $80 for and give you $140. You can return the coat you just bought for the price you paid for it and then you just have one coat, the original one you bought with this receipt and you will be in the same position as when you walked in to the store."

Twat- "This is just crazy, I don't understand why I can't just return it and re-buy it"

Me- "I just told you why mam"

Twat- " But don't you understand that's 60 dollars? I'm losing 60 dollars."

Me Getting Pissed- "Mam if we return your coat the company is losing $60. You can't just return something and re buy it for it's new price whenever you want. With that logic anyone could buy something and a year from now bring in the receipt and re buy a $150 item for $10. That is just silly. The company has it's policies on the back of the receipt so people who can read will be able to avoid situations like this that would make the company lose money, however it is not fail safe as we find ourselves in this position. I can't return your coat, bottom line. You can return the coat you just bought with it's correct receipt.

Twat still not understanding logical points - "Whatever this is just crazy. I'm never coming to this bullshit store again."

I returned her coat and when money is put back on a credit card we need to verify with the last 4 digits of the card number for the computer system to process the return. I asked her for the numbers and she said "What? Why do you need those??"

Me- "To verify the card to the register so it can process the sale."

Twat-" Oh I thought you were going to say it wasn't my card. Like you were saying I was lying with how crazy this store is."

Me- "OK mam, have a good day."

She then stormed out cursing the Hollister name yet again and physically harming her children because her coat couldn't be price adjusted. I could see her spanking her kids with a wire hanger because the most recent season of "Desperate Housewives" ended.

So there you have it just one of many stories about insane customers harming children and swearing at strangers because of clothing. What a wonderful world we live in.

The End.

A self-serving arrogant jerk

Since I didn't get the chance to put anything up on the BCS championship which Florida won, I will now write a little piece on a coach who is making a rapid ascent up my hatred charts. Urban Meyer or as I like to refer to him as Urban Crier. Now being a Seminole fan you have to realize this is inherently biased but the man is an arrogant jerk. He sprays and spouts more arrogance than this man:

Rick "The Model" Martel

Where to start on this one. Let's start with the claim that Crier made that Florida only takes the "top one percent of the top one percent." Hmmm...great call Urban and even better when your athletes don't really perform too admirably in the classroom.

An investigation by the Atlanta-Journal Constitution, discovered that UF's football and basketball players score 346 pts lower on SAT than the average UF student. Here's the piece. I'm pretty sure that the University of Florida's students aren't necessarily dumb but they sure as shit aren't Ivy League quality. So are they really the top one percent of the top one percent as Crier so arrogantly boasted?

Now this looks even worse considering their rival school, who isn't really known for its academic prowess, produces a Rhodes scholar.

Spot the hypocrisy

Another issue with Crier is how he always mentions that Notre Dame is his dream job. Christ, for all the University of Florida has done for him (nothing short of offering him 40 virgins) can't he just keep his mouth shut? Go ahead Urban, go up to Notre Dame. Try recruiting your "top one percent" of athletes who don't do so well academically to Notre Dame. Oh wait they probably wouldn't get in there. Show some respect towards the college that has given you everything you arrogant jack-ass. Okay so Notre Dame is your dream job that's fine. Just don't go spewing it out everywhere, it's a slap in the face to Florida.

Another example of Crier class was when they kicked a meaningless field goal against Miami when they were blowing them out. Don't get me wrong, I always enjoy a good Hurricane ass kicking but you already made your point. This led to Warren Sapp calling Crier a "classless jerk."

What pisses me off even more is that Florida (barring Tebow going pro) starts zero seniors on defense. They will probably be odds-on favorites again next year.

I wasn't able to catch any of the national title game because work was quite busy. I'm sure the commentating was a Tebow fellatio fun fest. Verne Lundquist, on CBS, probably prays to Lord Tebow before he goes to sleep every night.

Okay that's enough talking about Florida before I barf all over my screen. Now I get to buckle down and get ready for the 6-10 inches of snow they are calling for this area.


My How The Tables Have Turned!

In case you haven't noticed, the Pittsburgh Penguins are on the verge of falling of the face of the earth. It hasn't been a very good couple of months for the boys of winter, but I have a feeling that a major change is coming. I don't know if Therrien will be fired or if Ray Shero will bring in a winger to play with Crosby, but somthing will happen.

With that being said, a possibility is that Miroslav Satan could be traded. I haven't heard or read anything, but statistics show that Satan is on pace for his lowest goal output (24 goals) in more than a decade....and he is playing with Sidney Crosby. Ouch! I guess if it's not meant to be, it's time for a change.

The penguins are in a horrible slump. It's so bad that they have officially fallen out of the playoffs. They currently have 44 points, leaving them in a tie for 9th place in the Eastern Conference with Florida. Boston leads the East with 64 points. The good news is if the Pens get their shit together, they aren't too far out to get back into the playoffs. Montreal is 4th in the East and has 54 points, which is the last spot in the East that has home ice in the playoffs. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. The Pens are only 20-18-4 as of today and before their slump, they were 14-6-4 at the end of November, so at least they are still above .500. The Pens are typically a second half team, so they may turn it on at any moment. Keep the faith.

3 Stars In a Row
This has to be a dream come true for the NHL. Guess who the top three scorers are in the NHL? Malkin (63), Ovechkin (53) and Crosby (53). Ovechkin has the edge over Crosby because of his goal total, which is leading the league (27 overall). Ovechkin appears to be on pace to lead the league in goals with some total in the 50 to 60 range. Malkin at one point was on pace to score 160 points, which would have made him the last player since Mario Lemieux (161) in 1995-96 to do so. Malkin is capable of doing it, maybe more so than Crosby or Ovechkin, so just remember you heard it here first. Malkin is currently on pace to score around 120 points.

Anniversary's Galore
This is somthing that went unnoticed, but I think it always goes relatively unnoticed anyway, but an interesting anniversary (20th Anniversary) passed on New Year's Eve. It was in 1988 that Mario Lemieux became the only player in the history of the NHL to score 5 goals 5 different ways (even strength, power play, shorthanded, penalty shot, and empty net). I doubt that anyone will ever do that again. But I'll bet that nobody thought it would be done before Super Mario did it anyway, so who knows.

Another anniversary that I think goes unnoticed all the time is a sad one. Roberto Clemente died on New Year's Eve in 1972. This was the 36th anniversary of his death in a plane crash. He died doing somthing that no athlete would ever think of doing, except maybe Tim Tebow. Clemente was taking relief supplies to Nicaragua, which had just suffered from an earthquake. Clemente has exactly 3,000 hits on MLB's hits list.

December 23, 1972 was also a special time. It happened to be day of arguably the greatest play in football history. Pittsburgh Steelers hosting the Oakland Raiders in a playoff game and when all hope was lost, the football gods smiled down on Steeler Nation and rookie Franco Harris galloped into the end zone on a freak play and scored to win. The play is known as the "Immaculate Reception" and it still has controversy to this day.

One Last Thing...
The Penguins rewarded Jordan Stall with a new contract. It's a 4-year deal worth $16 Million. I like the signing because Stall is young, although I know I bashed him last year for slumping. Stall obviously had a great start to his career, but I hope that his best years are ahead of him. He has the potential. But remember that his trade value is up too. If people in the organization lose faith in him they won't hesitate to trade him and I doubt that any team would not hesitate to grab him. Hopefully he is in Pens black and gold for years to come.

Playoff Predictions
Here are my playoff predictions for the NFL Divisional Round...

Baltimore @ Tennessee (Sat. 4:30pm)
I know I will take some heat for this, but I'm gonna do it anyway. The Ravens will win this game. I just like them over the Titans. They have a better defense and I just think that regardless of what Flacco does, the Ravens D will come up with big plays and score points. It wasn't an impressive with over Miami, but the Titans are just a bit overrated to me.
Baltimore 20-14

Arizona @ Carolina (Sat. 8:15pm)
I like Arizona becuase they have Larry Fitzgerald and a Clarion guy in Reggie Wells, but Carolina is a better team and has a much better running game. Oh, and solid defense. Steve Smith will have a big day as well as Jake Delhomme.
Carolina 31-14

Philadelphia @ New York Giants (Sun. 1:00pm)
This is a tough one. Maybe the toughest to call all weekend. It's hard to go against the defending world champs, but the Eagles are tough and HOT. It will be a close game no matter what. Plaxico not in the lineup may hurt the Giants, but they seem to be going fine without him too. Defense will decide the outcome.
New York 23-21

San Diego @ Pittsburgh (Sun. 4:45pm)
This should be a good game, but I also think that it has the potential to get ugly. The Chargers are a good team, but without LT, I don't know if they can win. Sproles scares me, but not enough. The only reason the Chargers won last week was because the Colts shot themselves in the foot 3 times in OT. And they don't have as good a defense as us. Ben scares me too, because it depends on which Ben shows up. Still defense wins championships and the Steelers were number 1 across the board. Yinz guys get the towels ready!
Pittsburgh 24-10

Have a great weekend Everyone...Here We Go!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Playoff Predictions

Well...I was too busy to get my predictions in for Wild Card weekend so I'm taking some time on my day off on this wonderful Pennsylvania January of freezing rain and boredom to get some in for the Divisional Round.

Of course, I'm going to start with our beloved Steelers.

I think the Steelers needed the bye week more than any of the other teams. Big Ben banged up and I think the team was in general after playing such a difficult schedule.

Now a few things to note about the contest. The Steelers were able to get the ground game going against the Browns but that means exactly dick. The Browns mailed it in about a month prior to the regular season finale.

The harsh reality is this: The offensive line isn't going to get any better folks. Out of all the playoff teams, Pittsburgh's is probably the worst. If they are able to run against the Chargers, I'll be shocked. So this will leave the game in the defense/Big Ben's hands.

As long as Arians doesn't call a lot of five step drop passing plays against a defense that can pressure and a line that can't protect the offense should do enough to win. I'm honestly surprised that Arians hasn't taken any shit over this. His playcalling sometimes makes me scratch my head (see the game vs. the Colts for prime examples). Not being able to convert third and shorts on the ground is a little disconcerting as well.

I expect the defense to come out and play well in this one. Big whoop if Tomlinson doesn't play, Sproles is more dangerous than him at this point. We'll be bombarded with a bunch of camera shots of LT pouting on the sidelines. I understand why the media gives him a free pass (good guy, had some amazing years, etc.) but still they have crucified guys for doing the exact same thing. LT pouts when things don't go his way. And the bastard cost me big in fantasy football this year.

Back to the Charger offense....Rivers will probably have to win the game himself. Sproles won't be that big of a factor, as he took a beating in the Colts contest and I don't think he can take a whole lot of beating with his diminutive frame. Gates is hobbling and Vinnie Jackson got arrested for a DUI while on probation for DUI this week. Way to put the team first Vinnie, keep it real.

The other area in which I'm concerned is special teams. I have the terrible feeling that the special teams are due to take a giant shit at the most inopportune time, as they have in the past. Overlooked in the Chargers' win vs. Indy was punter, Mike Scifres. He netted 52 yards a punt and the best field position the Arrogant Hick and his merry men had was at their own 33 yard line all night long.

Prediction: Expect the game to be ugly with some nasty weather, temps in the 10s and a chance of snow. The defense will make a pivotal play to carry the Steelers into the next round.

Baltimore @ Tennessee
Hmmm...this game is loaded with enough despicable assholes that if the field caught on fire I wouldn't really care. This will be another ugly hard-hitting game but I'm going with the Titans because I think Collins will fuck up less than Flacco.

Arizona @ Carolina
Since the Cardinals have been terrible on the road, Boldin isn't healthy, they can't stop the run (last week not withstanding, I believe that was a fluke), I don't like their chances. They surprised last week with Edgerrin James looking five years younger and their defense playing well. Snap back to reality, Williams and Stewart will have big games, Steve Smith will make a big play or two and Carolina will advance.

Philadelphia @ NY Giants
Earn the number one seed in the conference and you're reward is possibly the hottest team in the NFC. An upset could happen but the Giants ground game/offensive line will keep that from happening. The Giants line is possibly the best in the league right now, however they looked like shit against Dallas. Philadelphia blitzes first and asks questions...well never. Once again, don't be shocked if Philly pulls this one out but I don't have the balls to pick it.

P.S. Yeah my picks on UFC 92 didn't work out too well. Watching two of my favorite fighters getting their shit ruined was a little troubling.

What Do You Reccomend?

As everyone knows, I work at pizza shop in the Back Bay. It's definitely not my ideal job but it pays the bills I suppose. I'd say about 78% of the people who come in piss me off. Most of these being douche bag guys.

Point in Case: A Donny Douchebag walks into the shop and stairs at the menu while talking on his phone and looking at himself in his hand mirror. He probably stares at it for 5 minutes, forcing me to stand at the counter and wait for this asshole to make up his mind. Then finally in between his phone conversation, he turns and looks at me and says.

"What's your favorite sub?"

Nothing pisses me off more than this. First of all Asshole, what makes you think that we'd like the same things? Am I wearing a purple hoodie jacket and skinny jeans? Do I have my hair straightened and possibly dyed in the front? Do I say things like "Cheers" and "No Worries"? Fuck No. I'm not at a wedding and I'm certainly not in the Lion King.

God, I hate douchebags.