Hey Kids!

So it's been a long time since anyone has posted anything on the blog so i figured what the hell why not post some stuff. So a few things have been going on recently in the news and sports and my personal world. Lets review...

1. The Pirates are just the worst ever. I can't say much else, my frustration with the organization is just billowing over into the realm of pure disgust. The only starters left from the beginning of the year are andy laroche, moss and doumit not counting pitchers. I'm annoyed with the whole situation and don't want to get into it any further.

2. I got promoted so I'm not with Hollister at South Hills Village anymore, so if I have any fun work stories they will come as Store Manager at Ross Park abercrombie kids. I already have had some interesting things happen none needing a story but I'm sure I'll have one soon enough. If you are ever in Ross Park mall come in and say hello.

3. Steelers season kicks off with pre season game one on Thursday. Who gives a shit about pre season? I know I don't. It's nice sometimes to see some of the guys who will never play a snap in a regular season game fighting for their jobs. Still, for the most part games are sloppy, boring, and risk the big name players on the team getting injured. The big story from training camp is obviously Big Ben's rape allegation. I just have a tough time believing that the QB of the reigning super bowl champs needs to rape someone to get some booty. Plus, did you see the chick? I'm not saying Ben is a stud, but he is a multi-millionaire QB of the best football team in the world. I think he could do better. So, we'll see how it all plays out. Regardless of pre-season or not, I'm just glad I have something to watch other than the Succo's.

4. OK so I am a member of the LA fitness that the fellow decided to shoot up. It literally is a minute up the road from my house. I have been going for a year or so and I was going 3 or 4 times a week up until I got my promotion to Ross Park. It has been hard to get into the gym when I have to drive 45 minutes there, work 9 hours and drive all the way back home. So, luckily I had just worked a 9 hour day and drove 45 minutes home so I was not about to go to the gym that night. A few friends from high school however were there. One of them was one who got shot in the knee, the other 2 got out of the class safely. So I wish Melina a speedy recovery, and I'm glad Jen and Lisa got out safe. My dad who is a paramedic and volunteer fireman was at the scene as a staging manager directing all of the emergency response vehicles and keeping things organized, he also was at the Fire Department after he left the scene helping families who didn't know if their relatives were involved. He and all the other police, paramedics and emergency responders and doctors and nurses at the hospitals should always be treated with a great deal of respect as they dedicate their lives to helping others and making the world around us a little more safe. It's a pretty screwed up world sometimes. It seems like things like this are just the most horrible thing that can happen, innocent people being shot is just awful. With how many crazy people there are in the world, I'm just glad stuff like this doesn't happen more often. It's just surreal to have it happen to people you know at a place you go to every week right up the road from your house.

So, that's what is going on in the world today. Sorry to leave on a such a depressing note but I have to get ready for my 45 minute trek to work. Until next time bitches.

Fun Times on Classic Gang Only

I'm going to do a little experiment here today ladies and gents. Part of my job is to be the man who interviews people to get a job at the good ole Hollister. To make people not as nervous pervis, we ask a few ice breaker questions to get them settled in and talking to get a better idea of their personalities. There is one question in particular that really gets them talking. So here today on Classic Gang Only I am going to ask you all that one amazing question.

Drum Roll Please....



If you could be any animal in the world what animal would you be and why?



Seems simple enough right? WRONG! I make them really explain themselves when answering you can't just say "UHHH a tiger cause they are cool." That's a lame answer. Really think that if you could be an animal what kind of animal would fit your personality. Like Stien for instance would be a gorilla. Not because he really looks like one (well he kind of does) but just for the simple fact that he is the most hairy mother fucker I have ever seen. Bice may be a panda bear because he is so cute and cuddly but he is still a bear and will literally rip your face off.

So you get the idea. I want everyone who reads this blog to post a comment saying what animal you would be any why. Get creative with your answers and don't be stupid and write something that you think is clever but it is really just annoying like "I would be crabs so I could hang out on vagina's all day!" That's not funny if you were really someones crabs you would only live a few days to live. Plus, in order to have crabs you would be on a dirty vagina and no one wants that. If you read it and don't write anything, Stien will come to your house and...

A. Punch you in the dick
B. Punch you in the vagina
C. Punch you in the vagina and dick if you are like Stien and have both the hog dog and the bun
D. Give you herpes while you sleep. (Yes he has it)

So let the games begin. Whoever has the best answer will get a prize (Understand that said prize will have no monetary or personal value. It will most likely be a second post saying "Good Job to ________ for the best answer!")

Have fun with this kids, it'll be a nice way to interact with your friends at Classic Gang Only!


p.s. make sure you leave your name with your comment so we can award you with the notoriety you will so deserve for being so clever.

Customer Service

As promised in my previous blog I will now share a story with all of you about my holiday season adventures at Hollister. I really like my job as a manager at Hollister on a day to day basis. The people I work with are great. The vast majority of customers are nice people. There are however from time to time some of the most absurd people in the history of time who grace my store and make me want to kill people. This story involves a woman, a coat and a few unsuspecting children/customers caught in the crossfire.

First some backstory on Abercrombie/Hollister's company policy. It is part of that policy that price adjustments can be done within 14 days of your purchase. So for those of you who are wondering just what the fuck i am talking about, this means that if you buy something and it goes on sale within 14 days we can give it to you for sale price if you have your receipt. If it is outside of 14 days you are basically shit out of luck.

So Tammy Twat Bag comes in and asks me if she can get a price adjustment on her coat. I say "Sure thing! As long as it is within 14 days that is no problem!" I look at the receipt and see it has been over 14 days since she bought said coat. In fact it was more like 20.

So, I say, "Oh I'm sorry it has been over 14 days I can't give you the price adjustment. Anything else I can help you with?"

She gives a little attitude and then says "Why not? It's $60 cheaper now I should be able to get it back.

Me- "We can't do any price adjustments outside of 14 days, If you want to return this coat and look to see if you find another coat on sale that is fine. I just can't adjust the price on this one."

Tammy Twat Bag thinking she will beat the system - "Well how about this? I'm just going to return the coat and then re-buy is for the sale price."

Me- "We can't do that mam, we take all of our returns into the back to re-sensor them and inspect them for quality issues before we can re-sell them."

Tammy Twat - "Well you don't need to do that because I'm just re-buying it."

Me- "Well actually I do need to do that it is company policy."

Twat - "Well that's ridiculous, I should be allowed to do this it's $60"

Me- "I'm sorry you feel it is ridiculous but it is company policy and I can't do anything about it. You can look for the coat on the floor, return this coat and just buy the new one for the sale price but that's all I can do for you."

Twat (with infant child in arms)- This is fucking stupid. Fine, where are they?

I direct her to the coats and go about my business of running the store. She however finds it necessary to create a scene by cursing, slamming things and being a bitch especially to her children who did nothing to provoke her assholery. She gets back in line to again disrupt everyone shopping and irritating me more. She brings the coat up and then realizes that, at her own fault, she picked up the wrong size. Swears some more slams shit around kicked a chair in our lounge area and says "I have to fucking wait in line again?" She then begins to whine for about 10 minutes about just returning and re buying the coat to no avail. I think she was half expecting me to change my stance on company policy because she was being a rude bitch, not the case. Even if she would have been even remotely nice I still would not have done it because it's AGAINST FUCKING COMPANY POLICY. I don't think she realizes that being a bitch will never get you what you want in Trick's world. She then says "This is fucking ridiculous I'm leaving." Scoffs, pushes yet another chair and physically abuses one of her children by grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the store.

You think the story is over well think again.

About an hour later I see her back in the store. Now at some point in that hour between our meetings she bought another coat. One of the cashiers calls me over and tells me the coat she was trying to return was not on the receipt she provided.

The bitch was trying to return the coat she had just purchased for $80 as the $140 coat she had bought before. Yeah, she was a real piece of work.

Me- "Mam this is not the same coat as is on here I can't return it with this receipt"

Twat - "Why not?"

Me- "Because it's not the same coat, I can't return it with the receipt to a different coat"

Twat- " Why? I just want this coat for the $80 dollars and your stupid store won't return it so I can just re buy it so I'm returning this one so I can get the $60 back."

Me- "Mam that makes no sense at all."

Twat - "I just want the $60 dollars back and you say you can't do it. I think that this is bullshit"

Me- "I'm sorry you feel that way but I don't make the policies, I just follow them"

Twat- "I just don't get why I can't do this and get my money back"

Me- "Mam, I told you it has been over 14 days, we don't do price adjustments after 14 days. It even says so on the back of your receipt. I gave you the option to buy another coat and return this one. It's not the store's fault we don't have any of your size left. I can't just let you return and re buy it. We take everything in the back like I said, I can't change that."

Twat- "What so now I have two fucking coats, what am I going to do with two coats, this is so crazy I can't even believe this."


I wish to take this time to remind you that this is going on at a busy time of the day with about 20 customers consisting of men, women and children all in earshot. Many of whom were her own children who I would like to take the time to say a prayer for as they have a lunatic mother and my end up doing harm to themselves or others at her behalf.....

OK now back to the story.


Me- " It's not crazy it's completely logical. I can't return your coat that you paid $80 for and give you $140. You can return the coat you just bought for the price you paid for it and then you just have one coat, the original one you bought with this receipt and you will be in the same position as when you walked in to the store."

Twat- "This is just crazy, I don't understand why I can't just return it and re-buy it"

Me- "I just told you why mam"

Twat- " But don't you understand that's 60 dollars? I'm losing 60 dollars."

Me Getting Pissed- "Mam if we return your coat the company is losing $60. You can't just return something and re buy it for it's new price whenever you want. With that logic anyone could buy something and a year from now bring in the receipt and re buy a $150 item for $10. That is just silly. The company has it's policies on the back of the receipt so people who can read will be able to avoid situations like this that would make the company lose money, however it is not fail safe as we find ourselves in this position. I can't return your coat, bottom line. You can return the coat you just bought with it's correct receipt.

Twat still not understanding logical points - "Whatever this is just crazy. I'm never coming to this bullshit store again."

I returned her coat and when money is put back on a credit card we need to verify with the last 4 digits of the card number for the computer system to process the return. I asked her for the numbers and she said "What? Why do you need those??"

Me- "To verify the card to the register so it can process the sale."

Twat-" Oh I thought you were going to say it wasn't my card. Like you were saying I was lying with how crazy this store is."

Me- "OK mam, have a good day."

She then stormed out cursing the Hollister name yet again and physically harming her children because her coat couldn't be price adjusted. I could see her spanking her kids with a wire hanger because the most recent season of "Desperate Housewives" ended.

So there you have it just one of many stories about insane customers harming children and swearing at strangers because of clothing. What a wonderful world we live in.

The End.

Long Time No Post (Work, Penguins and Steelers Oh My!)

Well damn, it's been a while since I have posted anything I don't even know where to start. I am a manager of a Hollister and let me tell you something, the holiday season blows. People will literally fuck you up if you screw with them shopping. I have spoken to more ignorant rude obnoxious people in the span of a month and a half than over the course of my first 23 years of life. The vast majority of people who shop at my store are actually very nice. It's just with there being 10 times as much foot traffic in a day that means ten times the douchebags who ruin lives also decide to make the trek into Hollister and cause a ruckus in any way possible, making my life a nightmare. So, you may now realize why I have not written anything in a while as I have been quite busy and stressed out. Out of this I do have some pretty good stories which I may choose to share at a later date.



So, The Penguins are shitting themselves as of late. Here is my proposition.

1. Quit switching up the lines, in a team where chemistry has been a weak spot (minus the Staal, Cooke, Kennedy combo before he got hurt) switching them up just as things get rolling will not help.

2. Shoot the fucking puck.

3. Get rid of Satan and Ryan Shitney and pick up a winger to ink long term to play beside Crosby. Satan, is not playing bad but lets face it he doesn't have the connection with Sid that there needs to be to have a great first line. Both Goligoski and Letang have been playing well, since Shitney has come back into the lineup our powerplay has seem to have gotten worse. He's a bum, he needs traded.

4. Give every single player, minus Malkin, Sid, Staal, Cooke, Dupuis and Wallace a swift and steady kick in the genitalia. They are all playing like they don't give a shit.

5. Someone get into a fucking fight will ya? I feel like no one fights anymore. Granted I miss a game here and there for work, but it just seems in a close game like the one against Montreal someone should have dropped the gloves gained a little momentum and we could feed off of it. I really miss big Georges and Ruutu right about now.

6. Lastly, send Fluery somewhere to learn basic goaltending. The man makes some of the most insane saves of all time but he lets and average shot from the blueline in the back of the net to lose a game. He does that 5 times a year and that could be the difference between a division title and being out of the playoffs all together in a close Eastern Conference.



Now on to the Steelers. It's playoff time baby. I think that we are going to see a great year in the NFL playoffs this year. There are no teams that are so dominant that they will just storm through the playoffs uncontested. Steelers have as good of a shot as anyone to take home another super bowl trophy.

Trick's Keys to A Steeler Super Bowl win:

1. Big Ben needs to be smart with the football. He is trying to force the issue waaaaay too much. If he eats the ball and runs for 2 or 3 yards a couple times a game instead of taking a sack or throwing a pick we would see a different team.

2. Run the fucking football. Lets face it, as a manager of the game Ben is great, he controls a drive and seeing all of the 4th quarter heroics I like it when the ball is in his hands. He is just not a fantastic passer. Short passes to ward and miller are the way to go but throwing it as much as we do is just not steeler football. Parker and moore can run, give it to them a little more, balance the attack. Oh yeah and put a fucking full back in the backfield, this 3 tight end shit is silly.

3. Rest up during the bye, get harrison, ben and any other banged up player especially on the defence ready to go. By the way things are going it looks like the Colts and Baltimore will make it through to the next round, which puts the steelers against the colts. We need everyone on defence to be 100%.

4. Get ahead early. When teams have to play from behind in the playoffs it gets rough. If we get an early lead, the opposing team takes more risks and risking anything against the leagues number one D is not a good call.

5. Lastly, rattle the opposing teams QB. Remember in the super bowl run when we beat indy? It was because Peyton Manning was rattled and made poor decisions. Harrison and Woodley need to do just that.


Threre you have it. I will be going the the Steelers first playoff game. I have yet to go to a playoff football game in my life so this gives me an erection. Hopefully I can get some more posts for you guys soon. Hope everyone had a good holiday season. Peace.

Penny Pincher

So the other day I was in the food court of the mall that I work at as a manager at Hollister. I decide that I want some tasty fake Chinese food so I make my way over to Panda Express. If you are not familiar with this food eatery, it is delicious. Let's just say if it were to come out today that they serve cat and dog, I would still consider eating it. So I tell the kind woman behind the counter that I would like some Bejing Beef, Orange Chicken and Chow Mein; a delightful combination. So, she puts the items on my plate and sends me down the line to the cash register where another smiling face is awaiting me to pay for my meal. I order a Dr. Pepper because it makes me aroused and tell her my order is then complete. So the total cost of my meal is $7.88. I hand the woman a 10 and say "Here kind woman is my legal tender for my wonderful meal I am about to indulge upon." She then hands me 2 dollars. Then she is about to hand me the reciept and change when as she opens her hand the 12 cents drops to the floor. She apologises and I say. "No need madam, these things happen." So I bend down and pick up my dime. Then I pick up my first penny. As I am about to pick up the second penny fucking grandfather time standing next to me bends down and picks up MY penny and puts it in HIS pocket. WHAT THE FUCK??? The old bastard was standing next to me the whole time. He knew it was my penny, he saw and heard it fall from the kind chashier's hand. The fucker even saw me bending down to pick it up. At first I thought he was being nice and bending down to give it to me and I was going to say "Aw, bless your heart you old bag of bones!" But no, the dickhead stole my penny. I sat in awe for about 30 seconds and was about to tell him that I wanted my penny back and that I would break his frail hip if he did not honor my wishes. But I then realized it was just a penny and threatening the old man with physical harm might cause him to have a heart attack. Even though it was just a penny, it was still my penny and old man winter stole it from me. Old people suck. That's it for now. Later