Friday, January 9, 2009

Customer Service

As promised in my previous blog I will now share a story with all of you about my holiday season adventures at Hollister. I really like my job as a manager at Hollister on a day to day basis. The people I work with are great. The vast majority of customers are nice people. There are however from time to time some of the most absurd people in the history of time who grace my store and make me want to kill people. This story involves a woman, a coat and a few unsuspecting children/customers caught in the crossfire.

First some backstory on Abercrombie/Hollister's company policy. It is part of that policy that price adjustments can be done within 14 days of your purchase. So for those of you who are wondering just what the fuck i am talking about, this means that if you buy something and it goes on sale within 14 days we can give it to you for sale price if you have your receipt. If it is outside of 14 days you are basically shit out of luck.

So Tammy Twat Bag comes in and asks me if she can get a price adjustment on her coat. I say "Sure thing! As long as it is within 14 days that is no problem!" I look at the receipt and see it has been over 14 days since she bought said coat. In fact it was more like 20.

So, I say, "Oh I'm sorry it has been over 14 days I can't give you the price adjustment. Anything else I can help you with?"

She gives a little attitude and then says "Why not? It's $60 cheaper now I should be able to get it back.

Me- "We can't do any price adjustments outside of 14 days, If you want to return this coat and look to see if you find another coat on sale that is fine. I just can't adjust the price on this one."

Tammy Twat Bag thinking she will beat the system - "Well how about this? I'm just going to return the coat and then re-buy is for the sale price."

Me- "We can't do that mam, we take all of our returns into the back to re-sensor them and inspect them for quality issues before we can re-sell them."

Tammy Twat - "Well you don't need to do that because I'm just re-buying it."

Me- "Well actually I do need to do that it is company policy."

Twat - "Well that's ridiculous, I should be allowed to do this it's $60"

Me- "I'm sorry you feel it is ridiculous but it is company policy and I can't do anything about it. You can look for the coat on the floor, return this coat and just buy the new one for the sale price but that's all I can do for you."

Twat (with infant child in arms)- This is fucking stupid. Fine, where are they?

I direct her to the coats and go about my business of running the store. She however finds it necessary to create a scene by cursing, slamming things and being a bitch especially to her children who did nothing to provoke her assholery. She gets back in line to again disrupt everyone shopping and irritating me more. She brings the coat up and then realizes that, at her own fault, she picked up the wrong size. Swears some more slams shit around kicked a chair in our lounge area and says "I have to fucking wait in line again?" She then begins to whine for about 10 minutes about just returning and re buying the coat to no avail. I think she was half expecting me to change my stance on company policy because she was being a rude bitch, not the case. Even if she would have been even remotely nice I still would not have done it because it's AGAINST FUCKING COMPANY POLICY. I don't think she realizes that being a bitch will never get you what you want in Trick's world. She then says "This is fucking ridiculous I'm leaving." Scoffs, pushes yet another chair and physically abuses one of her children by grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the store.

You think the story is over well think again.

About an hour later I see her back in the store. Now at some point in that hour between our meetings she bought another coat. One of the cashiers calls me over and tells me the coat she was trying to return was not on the receipt she provided.

The bitch was trying to return the coat she had just purchased for $80 as the $140 coat she had bought before. Yeah, she was a real piece of work.

Me- "Mam this is not the same coat as is on here I can't return it with this receipt"

Twat - "Why not?"

Me- "Because it's not the same coat, I can't return it with the receipt to a different coat"

Twat- " Why? I just want this coat for the $80 dollars and your stupid store won't return it so I can just re buy it so I'm returning this one so I can get the $60 back."

Me- "Mam that makes no sense at all."

Twat - "I just want the $60 dollars back and you say you can't do it. I think that this is bullshit"

Me- "I'm sorry you feel that way but I don't make the policies, I just follow them"

Twat- "I just don't get why I can't do this and get my money back"

Me- "Mam, I told you it has been over 14 days, we don't do price adjustments after 14 days. It even says so on the back of your receipt. I gave you the option to buy another coat and return this one. It's not the store's fault we don't have any of your size left. I can't just let you return and re buy it. We take everything in the back like I said, I can't change that."

Twat- "What so now I have two fucking coats, what am I going to do with two coats, this is so crazy I can't even believe this."

I wish to take this time to remind you that this is going on at a busy time of the day with about 20 customers consisting of men, women and children all in earshot. Many of whom were her own children who I would like to take the time to say a prayer for as they have a lunatic mother and my end up doing harm to themselves or others at her behalf.....

OK now back to the story.

Me- " It's not crazy it's completely logical. I can't return your coat that you paid $80 for and give you $140. You can return the coat you just bought for the price you paid for it and then you just have one coat, the original one you bought with this receipt and you will be in the same position as when you walked in to the store."

Twat- "This is just crazy, I don't understand why I can't just return it and re-buy it"

Me- "I just told you why mam"

Twat- " But don't you understand that's 60 dollars? I'm losing 60 dollars."

Me Getting Pissed- "Mam if we return your coat the company is losing $60. You can't just return something and re buy it for it's new price whenever you want. With that logic anyone could buy something and a year from now bring in the receipt and re buy a $150 item for $10. That is just silly. The company has it's policies on the back of the receipt so people who can read will be able to avoid situations like this that would make the company lose money, however it is not fail safe as we find ourselves in this position. I can't return your coat, bottom line. You can return the coat you just bought with it's correct receipt.

Twat still not understanding logical points - "Whatever this is just crazy. I'm never coming to this bullshit store again."

I returned her coat and when money is put back on a credit card we need to verify with the last 4 digits of the card number for the computer system to process the return. I asked her for the numbers and she said "What? Why do you need those??"

Me- "To verify the card to the register so it can process the sale."

Twat-" Oh I thought you were going to say it wasn't my card. Like you were saying I was lying with how crazy this store is."

Me- "OK mam, have a good day."

She then stormed out cursing the Hollister name yet again and physically harming her children because her coat couldn't be price adjusted. I could see her spanking her kids with a wire hanger because the most recent season of "Desperate Housewives" ended.

So there you have it just one of many stories about insane customers harming children and swearing at strangers because of clothing. What a wonderful world we live in.

The End.

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