Jason Calls His Mom: The Dishes

This is the latest of a series of videos in which I call my mom because I don't know how to do simple things.

3 Things To Make Hockey Better...

I love hockey. I mean, I really love hockey. Probably more than Bice likes little kids. But anyway the NHL has a real problem.

The problem is that it just isn't as exciting as it could be. Think back to the days (if you are old enough) to when Gretzky and Lemieux were lighting the lamp every night probably two or three times easily. That may be a bit of an exageration, but think about the point totals that we saw in the 1980's and 1990's. While Wayne Gretzky was scoring well over 100 points season after season, the other players were doing the same. Take the 1985-86 season. Gretzky lead the league in scoring with 215 points. We may never see that kind of total ever again, but look at the next four. Lemieux with 141, Coffey with 138, Kurri with 131 and Bossy with 123. Scoring leaders today are lucky to get those totals. Last season Alexander Ovechkin led the league with 112 points.

1) The NHL needs to do somthing to increase scoring. Nobody likes to see games that end 1-0 or 2-1 for that matter. Things need to be like they were back in 1980's and early 1990's, with games ending 6-4 or 8-6 or even 10-9. That would increase intrest and popularity and it would be exciting. Somthing must be done to let the stars of the league score. The goalies are way better these days and their equipment doesn't need to be so big. The NHL could start with that.

2) Each conference should only have 2 divisions. It is rediculous that sometimes the third team that wins a division has the least amount of points than the other 7 teams in the playoffs and another decent team gets left out. This way two division winners would be the top two in the conference and after that the best teams would make out the playoff teams. This is the way it was through the 1980's and most of the 1990's and it worked out well.

3)Some teams need to relocate. This may happen regardless, but it is obvious that the NHL isn't doing well in places like Miami and Nashville. I don't doubt that hockey fans exist in those markets, but unless those teams start selling out arenas, it won't work. Canada needs another team or two. Quebec or Winnipeg would be good places to start and I am willing to bet that Kansas City or Seattle would be lucky to get teams too, but NO EXPANSION. It already hurt the league once, and it cannot happen again. But Canada needs another team or two so I would bet that the teams that could relocate would be the Florida Panthers, Phoenix Coyotes, Nashville Predators and Atlanta Thrashers. They probably all should because nobody goes to games in those cities anyway. If you watched the last Penguins game when they played in Atlanta, you know what I mean...the place was empty.

Spooky Halloween Killer Clown Special

Since its almost Halloween, I went through my old vault of awesome videos and found a holiday special starring 3 of the Classic Gang's bloggers. This was many years before I knew Stein but Bones dies in it so its worth a watch.

Defending the Pirates trades

Now it's blatantly obvious that the Pittsburgh Pirates are absolutely crapticular. However, as of late, I've been hearing people bash the tandem of CEO Frank Coonelly and GM Neil Huntington. I, for one, happen to be completely on board with what they are trying to do. I will now explain to you all why I agree with what they are doing with our beloved Pirates.

1. The Bay and Nady trades

This seems to the the hot button issue amongst Pirate fans. People have told me, "Bones, if we would have kept those two and our pitching wasn't awful we might make a run at .500." Let's face it, if there was a perfect storm for the Pirates this season (Bay, Nady, Doumit, etc hitting like they were, Snell and Gorzo didn't have their heads up their asses, and so on) they would still be behind the Brewers and Cubs. Might make a run at .500 but aside from that nothing special. I don't want a run at .500. I want a consistant winner. Coonelly and Huntington aren't striving for mediocrity.

The past GM was criticized for buying high and selling low. I'm not going to mention his name because he was so god damn horrible at his job but wikipedia has all of his failures in one nice neat little package. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Littlefield.

The values of Bay and Nady weren't going to get any higher. Especially that of Nady who was hitting way past his career numbers and considering he hasn't played more than 120 games in a season.

In return for these trades, they received a plethora of pitchers (in case none of you have noticed the pitching has been horrible). Maybe none of these pitchers will be all-stars but the lack of pitching depth in the organization is pathetic. Huntington is trying his damndest to restock the cupboard that the prior GM (who shall still remain nameless) left bare.

They also acquired Jose Tabata, a 20 year old, ultimate boom or bust prospect. However, he has hit the ball extremely well down in Altoona since his arrival. In one trade, he became the second best prospect in the Pirates system. Players like Tabata are sorely lacking in the Pirates system. His ceiling is higher than Ricky Williams and Matt Jones.



Brandon Moss and Andy LaRoche came over in the Bay trade. Also coming along was pitcher Bryan Morris (according to some sources he is one of our top pitching prospects now). Moss and LaRoche have had a rough go of it so far, as do most young baseball players. They have the potential to succeed.

What it comes down to in my mind with the trades is this: Were the Pirates going to get over the top with Bay and Nady? The answer is no.

2. Drafting

The mess with top choice, Pedro Alvarez, not withstanding the new regime did excellent in the draft. The prior GM wouldn't have had the nuts to draft Alvarez because of signability issues. We'll wait and see what happens with Pedro and his "advisor" Scott BorASS to pass final judgement.

After the Moskos/Wieters abortion (which still pisses me off to this very day), they had to make a statement that we aren't cheap and this isn't the same old shit. For your own perusal I'll give you Moskos's stats http://www.thebaseballcube.com/players/M/daniel-moskos.shtml and those of Mr. Wieters http://www.thebaseballcube.com/players/W/matt-wieters.shtml. Comforting thought isn't it? I'm going to go on to something else before I puke all over the keyboard.

They signed great talent above slot such as Robby Grossman, Quinton Miller, and Wesley Freeman. They've built an baseball academy in the Dominican and signed some players from Latin America. The past GM didn't get the memo that high quality talent comes from Latin America. They weren't able to come to terms with second round pick Tanner Scheppers but he wanted first round money with a bum shoulder. They'll now have two second round picks in next year's draft.

They are finally spending money in the right places. Putting it into the farm system as opposed to washed up/end of the line/re-tread losers. I'm not going name these bums because there are way too many and I don't feel like it. The owner Bob Nutting is actually opening up his wallet to help develop young talent. They have to build from the ground up. If Tampa Bay, the Brewers, Twins, A's can do it, then why can't the Pirates?

The Post-Gazette recently ranked the Pirates top 10 prospects (not counting Pedro) http://postgazette.com/pg/08246/908643-63.stm. The new regime has brought in 4 out of the 10 in just this season. This isn't counting Moss or LaRoche either.

In closing, I can definitely understand the Pirates fans who don't want to sit through another rebuilding project. We've all heard this same song and dance before. 16 losing seasons in a row is inexcusable and embarrassing. The rebuilding wasn't done right under Cam Bonerfay and the nameless GM. I'm convinced that Coonelly and Huntington are going about it correctly. It's going to take time and it's not going to happen overnight but stick with these guys. They'll have the Pirates back to contention.

On a totally unrelated note, I would like to thank Bice for giving me the chance to write here even though he shits all over me. Not literally because that would be weird and gross. How is he in position to give fantasy football tips? Just look who wins. I still haven't figured out how I was responsible for Katrina and AIDS.

Until next time kids....

Would You Rather?

It's Friday night! So as usual I'm sitting at home by myself. Totally Cool, I know. Anyway since the Pirates are getting the shit kicked out of them, I thought I'd introduce a new feature to the site and by new feature I mean I'll probably just do it this one time but who knows.

Stein and I like to play this game called would you rather where I will give him to horrible options to what he would rather do and he MUST pick one. It's a great game and we usually think of the most horrible shit imaginable. One day Stein chose a question that neither myself, or him, or anyone else could answer.

"Would you rather have sex with your mom or your dad?"

Luckily no one reported abuse!

Yahoo Answers is a place where people can post questions and anyone can answer them. I thought I would pose this question to the Answers Community under my alias "Bob Jamies" and this is what I got.

Daisy May doesn't even answer my question. She just says "Yes, EW! Lauren responds with a "NITHER you pervert." First off, learn to fucking spell! Secondly, I'm not a pervert. It's a perfectly honest question. BabeHeart obviously has read and knows the rules of Answers. It looks like I stand a fair chance of getting a violation notice! Oh No. I guess I should have answered that the rules of "Would You Rather?" require you to select at least one answer.

Opal1331 seems to assume I live in a trailer for asking such a question. Well Opal, the jokes on you! Trailer Park People can't spell let alone buy computers with the internets. Geez. Chery, who's obviously Australian, tells me "not to give up my day job." Well Gee, I probably shouldn't because I'll never be able to make it as a professional question asker on Yahoo Answers. Oh what will I do? Finally, Tinkerbell, who also neglects to answer my question, uses bad grammar, making me respect her even less.

For some reason Penelope I am a sick bunch of asterisks and asks me why I don't go have a threesome with my parents. Who's the sick one now? Tristan answers the question honestly so he is the one one of the 9 who answered who I don't think is a total moron although his answer is kind of iffy. Julie S's answer is just weird. I don't even think it's possible for a girl to have sex with a chocolate bar. But who am I to judge?

Well, I successfully wasted an hour.

UPDATE
I Just received a violation notice from yahoo. Apparently that was not an appropriate question to ask.