Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Worst Commercial of All Time?

This was by far the worst commercial ever made. It is not funny at all. It does not make me hungry. Actually it kind of makes me sick. Sick and very, very pissed off. Who comes up with this shit? If I was an advertising executive my conversation with my employee about this commercial would go a little like this.

"Boss, I have the greatest idea in the world. People will really want to go eat a sandwich after this. I'm super, super cereal"

"Alright Harry Johnson, what do you have for me? This better be good. Your last braindead idea about the old naked man forgetting to put on his pants really pissed people off, it was... I can't think of the word... repulsive. Old naked men and sandwiches don't go together unless you are an aging fat gay man or an aging fat prostitute. Those groups only represent a small percent of our customers. If this is as bad as that, I am going to kick you in the dick"

"I promise this one is good! Ok, so we have these creatures. It's like a retarded guinea pig, hamster thing we call a sponge monkey. Only he doesn’t have normal animal features has crooked and disgusting human teeth, bulging eyes and it can talk. Not only do the eyes and teeth bulge but they pulsate in a very unappealing manner. Isn't this great? Just wait, there's more! Not only does he talk, he sings and plays guitar and a very convoluted obnoxious way. I didn't get to the best part yet. His voice sounds like something dying. Imagine the most annoying sounding voice ever. Multiply it by ten and you've got our brand new Quizno's commercial!"


"Oh and they are wearing ridiculous hats. Isn't that the best idea anyone has ever had? I think I deserve a raise after this one! hardy har har!"

"Get the fuck out. Go home and kill yourself..... Now."

So there you have it. If I was in charge someone would have possibly killed themselves or been kicked in the dick as the result of even bringing up this wretched idea in my presence. But I guess someone thought this hideous stupid animal was just effing hilarious. For the longest time I never ate at Quizno's because of this terrible excuse for a commercial. I did try it once after the commercials had stopped for a while and was not all that impressed by the food. It was decent; I would have eaten it again. Then my girlfriend had to bring up this commercial to me and play it on YouTube. My hatred is stronger than ever and I will never eat at Quizno's again. Check out another example of the sad sack excuse for a commercial below. It is awful, just awful. Worse yet is the fact that people rated the commercials with like 4 and a half stars. I now have officially lost faith in the judgment of mankind. Thanks Quizno's you piece of shit.

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