If you see this, be afraid... very afraid

Beware the AAA sticker on the back of an automobile. Chances are it will contain within an old person aka. Killing Machine. The AAA bumper sticker is placed on an old persons death wagon so they have a way to remind themselves that the AAA service even exists. In the inevitable event that they will be in an accident, they can look on the bumper of their bloodied vehicle and remember to call good ole' AAA. No offence to old people. Actually, I take that back.... IN offence to old people. You ancient sons of bitches can't drive for shit. It's a terrifying situation to be driving in the close proximity to what I like to call "Mobile Olds" (A play on words with the car brand Oldsmobile. Aren't I just high-larious???). These moving mummies creep down the road driving across solid line after solid line with no regaurd for public safety. They drive around in 1976 Cadillac Tanks so when they hit something/someone the beast won't even scratch. The poor bastard on the other end however, will get demolished. So beware when you see a car that has a AAA sticker on the back. Nine times out of ten it will be a Mobile Old swurving down the road running over infants and unexpecting families. Another way to tell when grandfather time is close is when the registation sticker is put in more than one corner of the license plate. Only an old person or someone who is mentally deficient will put the sticker in any other corner than the one with the indentation (which is put on the liscence plate to idiot proof the sticker placement and guide people to the right place...it doesn't work.). Nothing against people with mental disabilities (Stein) just keep an eye on anyone who puts the sticker in multiple corners of the license plate, they are horrendous drivers. If you see a license plate with a registation sticker in all 4 corners that means that this oldie has had the car for at least 4 years making them 4 years older than you or I anticipate. So, chances are they are at least 104. So take heed folks, there are old people everywhere and they WILL get you! You can thank me for these tips later.

Worst Commercial of All Time?

This was by far the worst commercial ever made. It is not funny at all. It does not make me hungry. Actually it kind of makes me sick. Sick and very, very pissed off. Who comes up with this shit? If I was an advertising executive my conversation with my employee about this commercial would go a little like this.

"Boss, I have the greatest idea in the world. People will really want to go eat a sandwich after this. I'm super, super cereal"

"Alright Harry Johnson, what do you have for me? This better be good. Your last braindead idea about the old naked man forgetting to put on his pants really pissed people off, it was... I can't think of the word... repulsive. Old naked men and sandwiches don't go together unless you are an aging fat gay man or an aging fat prostitute. Those groups only represent a small percent of our customers. If this is as bad as that, I am going to kick you in the dick"

"I promise this one is good! Ok, so we have these creatures. It's like a retarded guinea pig, hamster thing we call a sponge monkey. Only he doesn’t have normal animal features has crooked and disgusting human teeth, bulging eyes and it can talk. Not only do the eyes and teeth bulge but they pulsate in a very unappealing manner. Isn't this great? Just wait, there's more! Not only does he talk, he sings and plays guitar and a very convoluted obnoxious way. I didn't get to the best part yet. His voice sounds like something dying. Imagine the most annoying sounding voice ever. Multiply it by ten and you've got our brand new Quizno's commercial!"

(Speechless....)

"Oh and they are wearing ridiculous hats. Isn't that the best idea anyone has ever had? I think I deserve a raise after this one! hardy har har!"

"Get the fuck out. Go home and kill yourself..... Now."


So there you have it. If I was in charge someone would have possibly killed themselves or been kicked in the dick as the result of even bringing up this wretched idea in my presence. But I guess someone thought this hideous stupid animal was just effing hilarious. For the longest time I never ate at Quizno's because of this terrible excuse for a commercial. I did try it once after the commercials had stopped for a while and was not all that impressed by the food. It was decent; I would have eaten it again. Then my girlfriend had to bring up this commercial to me and play it on YouTube. My hatred is stronger than ever and I will never eat at Quizno's again. Check out another example of the sad sack excuse for a commercial below. It is awful, just awful. Worse yet is the fact that people rated the commercials with like 4 and a half stars. I now have officially lost faith in the judgment of mankind. Thanks Quizno's you piece of shit.