I Almost Got Killed Today

I almost died today. And it wasn't because I swollowed somthing with a Mr. Yuck sticker on it.

This is actually somthing that all of us except Bice can relate too, since we all still live in the Western Pennsylvania region. As most of you know, we've gotten a shit load of snow recently. I actually enjoyed watching it snow until my dad made me shovel it all. Then I hated it. But regardless, it has snowed a ton lately. And today I almost died because of it.

It should first be noted that I think Penn DOT (PA Dept. of Transportation) has been really lazy lately. I don't see what is so hard about keeping the roads safe. I would like to make note on this blog that when I would be driving to work around 4am, I would see Penn DOT trucks parked along side the road doing nothing. It's nice to see that our tax dollars are being spent on a couple of lazy guys that like to sleep.

Now, I was drving along one of our beautiful roadways in the great state of Pennsylvania (by the way, it should also be noted that I used to love the slogan "You've Got a Friend In Pennsylvania" that used to be on license plates) when I noticed on a particular section it appeared to be snow covered. It was snowing so I assumed that it was just a section they hadn't got to. But it wasn't snowing bad or anything. As I was driving I slowed down to a safe speed so that I could avoid a crash. The lanes were mostly clear except right down the middle, so I was driving over a coating of snow that was about a half inch or more. All of a sudden, as I was negoitating a turn, my car began to slide out of control. I was lucky to manage a save, as I began sliding into another lane when a car was coming. I managed to stay in my lane but then I almost slid over the side of a hill. Luckily my tires got away from the snow and I got slowed down. It was a close call for sure. Then when I told my dear mother of the incident, she just laughed at me like I exaggerate every thing that goes on in my life. Whatev. The point is Penn DOT should take better care of the roadways, otherwise a somewhat famous individual could have died today. That is all of my story. I hope you all learned a valuable lesson today. Godspeed.

Before I go here are a couple things you should know. On ESPN.com, Rick Reilly, the guy who used to write for Sports Illustrated, wrote a great piece on Beer Pong. I am sure Bones will leave a post sometime in the next day or two either endorsing it, or calling it jibberish. And the picture of the chick in this post is my new girlfriend. Not really, but she probably wants me anyway.

If you see this, be afraid... very afraid

Beware the AAA sticker on the back of an automobile. Chances are it will contain within an old person aka. Killing Machine. The AAA bumper sticker is placed on an old persons death wagon so they have a way to remind themselves that the AAA service even exists. In the inevitable event that they will be in an accident, they can look on the bumper of their bloodied vehicle and remember to call good ole' AAA. No offence to old people. Actually, I take that back.... IN offence to old people. You ancient sons of bitches can't drive for shit. It's a terrifying situation to be driving in the close proximity to what I like to call "Mobile Olds" (A play on words with the car brand Oldsmobile. Aren't I just high-larious???). These moving mummies creep down the road driving across solid line after solid line with no regaurd for public safety. They drive around in 1976 Cadillac Tanks so when they hit something/someone the beast won't even scratch. The poor bastard on the other end however, will get demolished. So beware when you see a car that has a AAA sticker on the back. Nine times out of ten it will be a Mobile Old swurving down the road running over infants and unexpecting families. Another way to tell when grandfather time is close is when the registation sticker is put in more than one corner of the license plate. Only an old person or someone who is mentally deficient will put the sticker in any other corner than the one with the indentation (which is put on the liscence plate to idiot proof the sticker placement and guide people to the right place...it doesn't work.). Nothing against people with mental disabilities (Stein) just keep an eye on anyone who puts the sticker in multiple corners of the license plate, they are horrendous drivers. If you see a license plate with a registation sticker in all 4 corners that means that this oldie has had the car for at least 4 years making them 4 years older than you or I anticipate. So, chances are they are at least 104. So take heed folks, there are old people everywhere and they WILL get you! You can thank me for these tips later.