Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Fantasy Football 2008 Preview

Is it pathetic that one of the highlights of my life is an annual fantasy football draft? Probably, but by God its one of my favorite days of the year! Where else can a group of assholes like my friends and I compete and rip on each other at high levels without any form of exercise whatsoever? Nowhere! So for the past five years, I've had one goal: To Beat Bones.

So this year, I invite you to look in on our league to see how Fantasy Football is really played.


But before I do, Let me introduce you to the gang and give you a preview of the upcoming season.
3time 3time 3time
Owner: Bones
Exp: 4 years
Overall Record: 34-20-2
Best Finish: 1st (twice)
Worst Finish: 3rd
Playoff Appearances: 4
If there's one person I wish would lose all his games, it would be Bones. Not because he's pretty much ruled the league since it's inception 2004 but more because I just generally wish ill-will upon him in whatever he does. As much as I hate to admit it, Bones generally picks up a good team whether it be through the draft or on the waiver wire. This year his starting line-up looks pretty solid. Roethlisberger is a top 5 QB and LT is LT. Lee Evans is, as always iffy and I think Michael "the Burner" Turner is going to have a breakout season. As for his bench, Rudi Johnson, who is currently getting shopped, has a lot to prove. Crayton is a good sleeper, and Joey Galloway is always good for being old and catching balls.

2008 Prediction: Bones will lose all his games except when he faces Dan.

Owner: Rhoades
Exp: 4 years
Overall Record: 28-25-3
Best Finish: 1st
Worst Finish: 6th
Playoff Appearance:2
The leagues inaugural champion, Old Rhoadesy looks to have a season without a tie. My worry about Rhoades' team is that a lot of these guys have missed time, or will miss time due to injury, (or in Brandon Marshall's case, suspension.) Donavan Mcnabb has been a solid QB when he's been healthy but with injuries to Coles, Chad Johnson, and Reggie Brown his wide receivers are definitely suspect. Larry Johnson should have a decent year, except the Chief's lack of a passing game is going to hurt there. Frank Gore will probably be awesome, especially since I hate him. Props on the Mendenhall pick though, as long as he can keep his hands on the ball, he'll be a viable option.

2008 Prediction: It's tough to tell, I think if his receivers stay healthy, Rhoades could make the playoffs, but that's a big if.

Chinese Chopsticks
Owner: Chan
Exp: 4 Years
Overall Record:27-29
Best Finish: 4th
Worst Finish: 8th
Playoff Appearances: 1
If we were playing this Fantasy Football in China, Chan would surely win the league. Not because his team is better than ours, but more because the Chinese cheated in the Olympics, so why stop there? Actualy, Chan's team is looking a lot stronger than I initially thought, especially if Peyton Manning is healthy. Fitzgerald, Holt, Holmes, and Ward are some pretty decent receivers. Steven Jacksona and Brandon Jacobs are good. Lendale White is a fat ass, and I'm not so sure how many carries Justin Fargas is going to get so hopefully his top two backs don't get injured. If all goes well, I can see Chinese Chopsticks being a strong contender in this league.

2008 Prediction: With a healthy Manning, Chan finishes at least 3rd.

Jimmy Fallon Rocks

Owner: Bice
Exp: 4 years
Overall Record: 30-26
Best Finish: 2nd
Worst Finish: 8th
Playoff Appearances: 2
If Jesus were to draft a team, it would most certainly look like this. I have the Drew/ Marques Colston combo going in the Saint's pass happy offense. Harrison, Driver, and Cotchery will also get their fair share of TD's as well. Running Back wise Joseph Addai and Ryan Grant are clearly top fantasy backs. Thomas Jones is going to have a huge year and LJ Smith is going to become the top TE in th league. Overall, an awesome draft for old Bicer.

2008 Prediction: 1st place. 14-0.

Oriental Avenue
Owner: Dan
Exp: 4 years
Overall Record: 30-26
Best Finish: 3rd
Worst Finish: 7th
Playoff Appearances: 2
Dan is probably the worst player in Fantasy Football history. Every player he chooses is just so God Awful, I don't know why we even let him in the league. He's a total disgrace. Carson Palmer?! Awful! TJ Douchemanzadah?! Hurt and a prick! Bouldin wants a trade. Santana Moss sucks! Kevin Curtis is hurt. Marshawn Lynch is probably the only good player on his team. I wouldn't be suprised if Neil Rackers is his points leader this year. Honestly. Just Awful.

2008 Prediction: 0-14

Brutus B. Rowns
Owner: Timmy
Exp: 4 years
Overall Record: 25-29-2
Best Finish: 4th
Worst Finish: 8th
Playoff Appearances: 1
Timmy should have won the entire league last year. How you have guys like Brady, Moss, LT, and Braylon Edwards, and then not make the playoffs is beyond me. This year he has Brady and Moss back and although they probably won't reach the milestones they did last year, they'll still win him a few games. After those two, however, his team is all suspect. Maroney and McGahee are not strong backs, especially since McGahee hasn't even played this preseason. Calvin Johnson may be a good sleeper but other than that I'm not too impressed.

2008 Prediction: With awful teams like Dan's and Bones's, Timmy will go .500.

Make It RainOwner: Gus
Exp: 1 year
Overall Record: 10-4
Best Finish:2
During last year's draft everyone made fun of Gus's team. Then he went and came in 2nd place. So no more of that. I've got to say, I hate Tony Romo. He never is good for a whole season, especially not when you need him but maybe Jessica Simpson won't show up to any of his games this year. TO is getting up there in age but still effective. Willie Parker is great but rarely gets in the end zone. Adrian Peterson could carry his team for a few weeks and those two rookie running backs could help carry the load.

2008 Prediction: Gus finishes second again after I kick the shit out of him in the championship game.

Owners: Crippler and Dan Potash
Exp: RookieCrippler is the new kid on the block and it shows because he drafted Jay Cutler, who I think is worthless. Braylon Edwards, Andre Johnson, and Wes Welker are pretty decent receivers. Westbrook is fantastic. Portis is a weirdo and Earnest Graham sucks. Hopefully Dan Potash will call Crippler periodically to give him so good advice or he might hang himself on his bow flex.

2008 Prediction: He'll win like 5 games.

1 comment:

Folwell said...

Is this a keeper league, or do you draft new every year?