Ape Legs, Morons and The Lights Went Out!

Something very strange happened to me at work, aka the Booze Warehouse. At about noon on Saturday, the lights went out, literally. We still had electricity, but the lights went out, literally. And so we had to continue working with only the sun's rays to keep our store lit. It was very strange and is by far the only time in my life I have heard of anything like this. I finished before dark, but I took great happiness in asking people that had to work how they liked sitting in the dark, since that was what they would have to do. I also made comments about how they better get used to using flashlights and giving guided tours of the store since people cannot see in the dark. Nobody thought it was funny except the old guy that has nothing to live for. Go figure. But anyway today when I had to work the lights were still out! The best part was that we had electricity. I knew this would be good. I had to hold back though. Every person that came in and asked, "gee are you open?" I wanted to say, "No. I just come to this store when I feel the need to masturbate!" Idiots. But it got better. After people would shop around and then come to me to pay, they seemed to always say "What happened? No power?" NO DUMBSHIT! The radio just fucking plays and the safety lights stay on when the power is out! WTF? I think this job is killing me, but it didn't stop there. Next was "Ape Legs". Who is this strange creature? Well he is pretty much an asshole that doesn't know how to tell time. Ape Legs came into the store as we were closing (actually about four and a half minutes before). He grabbed his wine and then was like, gee nothing is on sale? Well asswipe, we needed to take the tickets down since the new sale starts tomorrow (for those that wish to shop) and we didnt expect your hairy ass in here three minutes before close. Dumb fuck. Anyway he did eventually leave, but the reason I call him Ape Legs is because he may be the harriest fuck, other than me. He seriously looked like Sasquatch in shorts. Gross. Thats what I deal with everyday.

Also, a good friend of the site, Steve Braband, is a ESPN star. Steve is promoting ESPN Sportscenter, going live or some other shit in 14 days. He has his own website, and periodically shows up during commercials, which is cool. Congrats Steve, I hope your success allows me to get a job at ESPN soon. Here is a link to the webpage: Steve Is Live

10 Things You Didn't Know About Stein!

I found a pretty good article on the canadian sports website tsn. The article is called "10 Things You Didn't Know About Sid 'The Kid.'" You can check it out here:

http://www.tsn.ca/columnists/james_duthie/?id=239537

Since, me and Stein are new to the blog I decided to inform you of the "10 Things You Didn't Know About Stein." Enjoy!!



1.) He really, really likes hockey. He likes it so much that he wears Penguins pajama's to bed, has a Penguins pillow case, and Penguins posters strewn about his room. He even has a blowup doll with Mario Lemieux's face glued on to it. He claims it is something he uses for inspiration. It smells like semen.

2.) He eats with his hands. I went over to his house one day to see him knuckle deep in a bowl of ramen noodles. When I asked him "Why don't you use a fork." He thew the bowl against the wall and threatened me with a piece of the broken glass. Which leads me to my next point...



3.) Stein has a bit of a temper. Mild mannered and kind as he may seem. This man has a mean streak as long as Tommy Lee's genitals. I once saw him drop kick a poodle and roundhouse kick a five year old.

4.) He is a racist. He makes fun of Canadians, Black People, Jewish people and Native Americans. He once called me a "frivolous Jew" I asked him if he even knew what frivolous meant. He didn't. I then asked him if he realized that I was not Jewish. He then called me a "heeb." I asked if he realized that a "heeb" was another word for Jewish. He did not. So he called me a cracker and left.

5.)He has both male and female reproductive organs. Ask him about it when he is drunk. If he doesn't stab you in your cheek, he will tell you all about how his mom used to talk about him being a special boy because he had "the hot dog and the bun."



6.) He is a very smelly man. Let's just say I have pieces of my feces that smell like a steak dinner compared to Stein. He smells so bad that the flies can't be near him. I can actually see the stink coming off of him like the cartoons. I suspect he does not properly clean the female portion of his anatomy.

7.) He is as hairy as a gorilla. There is nothing else to say about this. The mother fucker is hairy as a goddamned great ape.



8.) His favorite movie is Maid in Manhattan. He says the characters have such depth and really understand the hardship that is associated with life in the big city.
8a.) Stein lives in Butler PA.

9) Stein when he was 15 used to be lead vocalist in a boy band called "Soft BUTT SEXXy" He claims that it was just for the money and fame.
9a.) Only 6 people ever saw them perform. The 5 band members and a man Stein told me was their "record producer."
9b.) The "record producer" was last seen on "To Catch a Predator."



10.) Last but not least, he invented a game called "nipple sticks." Apparently it is when you stick something to your nipple using honey. Then the other person has to lick it off in a minute.
10a.) Stein is a sick fuck.


So there you have it. Stein in a nutshell. I hope you learned a little about one of your new contributors to this wonderful blog. I know I did! See you all nex post!