Ape Legs, Morons and The Lights Went Out!

Something very strange happened to me at work, aka the Booze Warehouse. At about noon on Saturday, the lights went out, literally. We still had electricity, but the lights went out, literally. And so we had to continue working with only the sun's rays to keep our store lit. It was very strange and is by far the only time in my life I have heard of anything like this. I finished before dark, but I took great happiness in asking people that had to work how they liked sitting in the dark, since that was what they would have to do. I also made comments about how they better get used to using flashlights and giving guided tours of the store since people cannot see in the dark. Nobody thought it was funny except the old guy that has nothing to live for. Go figure. But anyway today when I had to work the lights were still out! The best part was that we had electricity. I knew this would be good. I had to hold back though. Every person that came in and asked, "gee are you open?" I wanted to say, "No. I just come to this store when I feel the need to masturbate!" Idiots. But it got better. After people would shop around and then come to me to pay, they seemed to always say "What happened? No power?" NO DUMBSHIT! The radio just fucking plays and the safety lights stay on when the power is out! WTF? I think this job is killing me, but it didn't stop there. Next was "Ape Legs". Who is this strange creature? Well he is pretty much an asshole that doesn't know how to tell time. Ape Legs came into the store as we were closing (actually about four and a half minutes before). He grabbed his wine and then was like, gee nothing is on sale? Well asswipe, we needed to take the tickets down since the new sale starts tomorrow (for those that wish to shop) and we didnt expect your hairy ass in here three minutes before close. Dumb fuck. Anyway he did eventually leave, but the reason I call him Ape Legs is because he may be the harriest fuck, other than me. He seriously looked like Sasquatch in shorts. Gross. Thats what I deal with everyday.

Also, a good friend of the site, Steve Braband, is a ESPN star. Steve is promoting ESPN Sportscenter, going live or some other shit in 14 days. He has his own website, and periodically shows up during commercials, which is cool. Congrats Steve, I hope your success allows me to get a job at ESPN soon. Here is a link to the webpage: Steve Is Live

Would You Rather?

It's Friday night! So as usual I'm sitting at home by myself. Totally Cool, I know. Anyway since the Pirates are getting the shit kicked out of them, I thought I'd introduce a new feature to the site and by new feature I mean I'll probably just do it this one time but who knows.

Stein and I like to play this game called would you rather where I will give him to horrible options to what he would rather do and he MUST pick one. It's a great game and we usually think of the most horrible shit imaginable. One day Stein chose a question that neither myself, or him, or anyone else could answer.

"Would you rather have sex with your mom or your dad?"

Luckily no one reported abuse!

Yahoo Answers is a place where people can post questions and anyone can answer them. I thought I would pose this question to the Answers Community under my alias "Bob Jamies" and this is what I got.

Daisy May doesn't even answer my question. She just says "Yes, EW! Lauren responds with a "NITHER you pervert." First off, learn to fucking spell! Secondly, I'm not a pervert. It's a perfectly honest question. BabeHeart obviously has read and knows the rules of Answers. It looks like I stand a fair chance of getting a violation notice! Oh No. I guess I should have answered that the rules of "Would You Rather?" require you to select at least one answer.

Opal1331 seems to assume I live in a trailer for asking such a question. Well Opal, the jokes on you! Trailer Park People can't spell let alone buy computers with the internets. Geez. Chery, who's obviously Australian, tells me "not to give up my day job." Well Gee, I probably shouldn't because I'll never be able to make it as a professional question asker on Yahoo Answers. Oh what will I do? Finally, Tinkerbell, who also neglects to answer my question, uses bad grammar, making me respect her even less.

For some reason Penelope I am a sick bunch of asterisks and asks me why I don't go have a threesome with my parents. Who's the sick one now? Tristan answers the question honestly so he is the one one of the 9 who answered who I don't think is a total moron although his answer is kind of iffy. Julie S's answer is just weird. I don't even think it's possible for a girl to have sex with a chocolate bar. But who am I to judge?

Well, I successfully wasted an hour.

UPDATE
I Just received a violation notice from yahoo. Apparently that was not an appropriate question to ask.