Things That Make Me Laugh

I suppose I could write a post about the Pens or the Buccos or Jay Cutler or Tiger Woods or my sex life. But since my life is now occupied by two jobs, I decided that I would write about what makes me laugh. Just some things this past week that forced a chuckle out of me. Here it goes...

Have you ever worked at a fast food place like me? Of course you have. Well I am sure that you have had the same experiences I've had too. The other day I wasn't very busy, working the front counter when a gentleman walked into McDonalds. I approached my register, but he walked past me into the rest room. So I waited for him....and waited. He then left the store. My biggest suprise was yet to come. I suppose you think I am going to tell you that I walked into the rest room a few minutes later and found playboy and hustler on the ground with the pages all sticky or the walls covered in shit. Well, sorry to dissapoint you. I did see him in the drive thru though. Think about it, who walks inside to use the restroom and then goes through drive thru to order food? I don't know, but it made me laugh.

I was able to catch some TV the other day between jobs (actually just some commercials) and guess who I saw? Billy Mays! He was advertising some goofy glue that fixes anything. At one point he was trying to prove how strong it was by standing in a wind tunnel with the flag blowing at storm strength winds. His hair was blowing in the wind. It made me laugh.

Something else that would make me laugh would be Bice in a wheelchair. But thats not very nice.

I hope you found my stories to be funny too. See ya next time!

Commercials I Hate: Kay's Jewelry

This commercial has bothered me for a while now. Mainly because deaf people should only date other deaf people. JK JK. What really pisses me off about this commercial is that this dude gets his deaf girlfriend a God Damned watch. There have been hundred upon hundreds of jewelry commercials where able-hearing girls gets a ring, necklace, or earrings but to give Donna Deaf a watch? Isn't she deserving of a ring. I mean it would have at least been comical if she was blind and he gave her a watch. If that were the case, he could have gotten her a really cheap ring and said it was really expensive and she'd have to believe it. How's she going to know? She's blind!

Speaking of Awful Commercials!

This commercial makes me want to throw up. First of all, The mother couldn't have died that long ago since the girls are rather young and I seriously doubt they would want their dad to go find a replacement mother. I mean remember how upset DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle were when Danny started dating again on Full House? Exactly.

Secondly, Where did the little girls get the just for men? Did they ride their bikes to the store and purchase it on their own? Who the fuck knows?!

Lastly, when the dad is on the date, who is watching the little girls? Apparently no one. What bad parenting. First he lets them ride their bikes alone to the store and then he leaves them home alone to while he's out with that skank. Just Awful.

Worst Commercial of All Time?

This was by far the worst commercial ever made. It is not funny at all. It does not make me hungry. Actually it kind of makes me sick. Sick and very, very pissed off. Who comes up with this shit? If I was an advertising executive my conversation with my employee about this commercial would go a little like this.

"Boss, I have the greatest idea in the world. People will really want to go eat a sandwich after this. I'm super, super cereal"

"Alright Harry Johnson, what do you have for me? This better be good. Your last braindead idea about the old naked man forgetting to put on his pants really pissed people off, it was... I can't think of the word... repulsive. Old naked men and sandwiches don't go together unless you are an aging fat gay man or an aging fat prostitute. Those groups only represent a small percent of our customers. If this is as bad as that, I am going to kick you in the dick"

"I promise this one is good! Ok, so we have these creatures. It's like a retarded guinea pig, hamster thing we call a sponge monkey. Only he doesn’t have normal animal features has crooked and disgusting human teeth, bulging eyes and it can talk. Not only do the eyes and teeth bulge but they pulsate in a very unappealing manner. Isn't this great? Just wait, there's more! Not only does he talk, he sings and plays guitar and a very convoluted obnoxious way. I didn't get to the best part yet. His voice sounds like something dying. Imagine the most annoying sounding voice ever. Multiply it by ten and you've got our brand new Quizno's commercial!"

(Speechless....)

"Oh and they are wearing ridiculous hats. Isn't that the best idea anyone has ever had? I think I deserve a raise after this one! hardy har har!"

"Get the fuck out. Go home and kill yourself..... Now."


So there you have it. If I was in charge someone would have possibly killed themselves or been kicked in the dick as the result of even bringing up this wretched idea in my presence. But I guess someone thought this hideous stupid animal was just effing hilarious. For the longest time I never ate at Quizno's because of this terrible excuse for a commercial. I did try it once after the commercials had stopped for a while and was not all that impressed by the food. It was decent; I would have eaten it again. Then my girlfriend had to bring up this commercial to me and play it on YouTube. My hatred is stronger than ever and I will never eat at Quizno's again. Check out another example of the sad sack excuse for a commercial below. It is awful, just awful. Worse yet is the fact that people rated the commercials with like 4 and a half stars. I now have officially lost faith in the judgment of mankind. Thanks Quizno's you piece of shit.