10 Questions About the Upcoming Penguins Season

We have all been so caught up in the return of our beloved Steelers that some people have forgotten that Penguins season gets underway very soon. Preseason starts in a short 9 days with the Pens taking on the Lighting and the regular season starts in less than a month on October 4th in Stockholm against the Sens. There are a number of things I am looking at as the season gets underway.



1.) Will Evgeni Malkin bounce back after a piss poor performance in the playoffs? I thought at first it was a load of shit that Malkin plays better without Crosby. I thought it was just that he finally turned on the switch and was just going to continue to dominate with Crosby's return. But durning the playoffs he slowed considerably and just did not come up big for us. Who knows what the outcome would have been if Malkin had been playing in the playoffs like he did in the regular season. Hopefully he can bounce back to form and take kids to school like he did last year.



2.) Am I the only one who is super pumped that Ryan Whitney is hurt? Ryan Shitney, what the hell happened to you? I thought he was going to be the next Gonchar with even better defensive skills. He gets the big check and starts shitting himself. He couldn't keep the puck in on the PP he was making bonehead passes and mistakes that led to a lot of scoring chances for opposing teams. Hopefully with the 3 months or so he is going to need to take a seat we can have a Marc Andre Fleury effect on him. The best thing that happened to Fleury was being able to sit back and watch how Conklin managed the game. If Shitney does that, he could get back to the level we need him to be at, and if not, he is some serious contention for trade bait. Him being out also leads me to my next point...



3.) Will this season be a breakout year for Kris Letang? I have loved Letang since I first set eyes on him (not in a gay way). He's got a great shot, great speed, solid skating, great puck handling, good D. You name it the kid has it. With Shitney on the bench Letang will get more time on the PP. I think his fear of shooting the puck that he had last year will go away. I think some of the rookie mistakes will go away. I'm not saying his game will be perfect, the kid is still young. I am going to say though watching him this past year and seeing that when he did make a mistake he hauled ass and did everything in his power to fix it, I'm sure any concerns or issues with his game will be resolved coming in to this season and he will be a big piece of the puzzle this year.



4.) Will Marc-Andre Fleury continue his outstanding play? As I mentioned before, the best thing that ever happened to MAF was getting hurt last year. He came back a smarter goalie with better stick skills and more control. He is one of if not the most athletic goalie in the league. When he gets his style and form perfected, not only will he make the routine great saves, but he can make the saves that no other goalie can make just because of his athletic abilities. My only concern is that in the past he has shown himself to get rattled and be a little inside his own head, if he can shake the head trash the man will be a top 5 goalie.



5.) Could it be .....Satan? I want to see what this guy, along with Fedotenko, can do playing on a line with Crosby or Malkin. They have produced in the past, I want to see how they are going to fit in the puzzle.



6.) Will losing Malone, Laraque, and Ruutu etc. be a big deal? I have never been big on Ryan Malone, I think he played great in the playoffs and everything but the truth his his production never really went up even when playing on lines with 2 of the best players in the world. Even a shithead like Robbie Brown looked like a hero when he was playing with Mario. Malone was a behemoth who sat in front of the net, get any big guy in front and Malkin and Crosby will get you 25 goals. I'm more concerned with losing our tough guys. I loved Ruutu, and Big Georges for that matter. I am just hoping that Cooke and fill in when Ruutu left off and Godard can handle the puck behind the net or an entire shift like Laraque could.


(This picture is on the Pens Blog, It is hilarious)

7.) Will God smack the Red Wings with an injury to Hossa? You should never wish ill will upon someone so I am not saying I want Hossa to get hurt. I'm just saying wouldn't it be kind of funny if he did get hurt. That or Detroit didn't even make the playoffs. That might be even better. He wanted to go to a team that he thought had a better chance of winning the cup and they don't even make the playoffs. Lets all cross our fingers.



8.) Will the Pens stay healthy? Fucking high ankle spains galore last season almost jepordized the year for the Pens. Injuries will happen, but I think that for the most part the team shouldn't have the issues of last year and be for the most part healthy.



9.) Will Jordan Staal get out of his offensive funk? Jordan Staal is my boy. He plays great defence, is great on the PK and has solid all around skill, not to mention he is still a teenager. He was getting great chances last year and coming up short. His rookie season the shots that he had going in would hit the post last year. He still got the scoring chances and he still played great all around hockey. He had a very soild playoffs and I think that showed his maturation as a player and I think he will feed off that for this season. The scary thing about Staal is that he is so young he will only put on more muscle and get bigger, faster and stronger. I just really hope he is not a salary cap casualty at the end of this season because I think he is going to have 30-40 goals when it is all said and done.



10.) Last but not least will the Pens repeat as Eastern Conference champs? Short answer, Yes they will. There is no reason why the Pens should not repeat. Sure they lost Hossa, but we didn't have him for the majority of the season. I think that there are no teams in the East who can match the Pens, if they come out of the gate swinging this season instead of lolligagging like they did last year, I think the Pens should end the regular season tops in the East. They should then be able to march back to the Cup Finals and hopefully take the whole damn thing.

So there you have it. I just had to let people know we have not forgotten the Pens and as the season quickly approaches. Also, let's all take a moment to realize that as a city Pittsburgh has some of the greatest sports teams in the world. I hope all of you reading this realize how lucky we are to be able to go to Heinz Field to watch the Stillers or Mellon Arena for a Pens game and yes even PNC park to watch the Succo's. This shit is so sweet. Let's go Pens.

TV Shows I Miss

Here we are for another piece of journalistic triumph from your friend Trick called: TV Shows I Miss. Last time we took a look at Clone High, an amazing show that got the shit can way before it ran it's course. Now, I'm going to take a look back to my childhood to recall a bad-ass cartoon called "The Real Ghostbusters."



The show was based off of the movie of the same name. It's about some scientists who catch and... Look if you don't know what Ghostbusters is you need punched in the testicles/ovaries so you can't spread your seed and populate the world with more sad excuses for humans like yourself. The show was the reason my childhood was not lame. I could have been watching Barney, or some stupid ass show like Power Rangers but no, I was watching some dudes beat the shit out of ghosts and all things evil. Now, there was another cartoon that was on around the same time called just "Ghostbusters," I'm not gonna lie, I watched the shit. However, I look back and wish I could kick my own ass because it was a cheap excuse for a cartoon. There was a damn gorilla that was busting ghosts.




What the Fuck ?????


Shit was just dumb. A gorilla would kill both of those cockbags way before he would bust ghosts. The show was based off of a 70's show that had two goof balls and a gorilla doing stupid shit. Look, I understand that this was the "origial ghostbusters" but it's pretty fuckin lame to have an ape (like Stein) running around trying to bust some demons and shit. Fuck that show.



"The Real Ghostbusters" was the bomb because the movies it was based on kicked ass and had some of the best comedians ever. I miss being a kid sitting on my couch and watching it and saying "oh Slimer, how I wish your were my friend. Oh man I just wee wee'd in my pants." Then come August I would be looking forward for my birthday where I could get a plastic proton pack from my parents and go outside and find some dick head ghosts to catch. Now, I loathe my birthday cause it's another reason for my family to get together and engauge in more depressing talk about which one of thier friends died or is in the hospital and how thier bowel movements are coming along. To be young....


So there you have it again folks your most recent intallment of TV Shows I Miss. Until next time... watch some hilarity from the show.

Dark Knight Review!!!

Holy Shit. I saw a pre screening of The Dark Knight tonight and it is bad ass. Everything you heard about Heath Ledger in the film is true. The man was AMAZING in the film (yes this is a film, not just a movie). In all ways it worked for what it was looking to do. I am partial to Christophen Nolan's movies, in my top 100 favorites, he's not got probably 4 spots on the list. The film hits the mark for everyone, it pleases the action fans with some great sequences that just make you say "damn, that was cool," it has the romance and heart that drama fans and chicks would like that make you say "oh man, thats rough", it's got one of the best villians of all time that makes you say "Heath Ledger will be missed the man is unreal in this role", it has crime that makes you say "I love bank heists", it has violence that makes you say "That trick that the Joker did was great." (just wait, watch for how the joker makes the pencil disappear), it has humor that makes you say "ha-ha", it has the cheesy one liners that makes you say "Oh Batman, you silly bastard" and most of all it has a great director at the helm that makes you say "Mr. Nolan, you've done it again." For all it's hype the movie exceeds expecations. It's long as hell at 2 and a half hours, but I was not bored once. What I found to be the coolest thing about the film was that even though it is a Batman movie, the supporting chracters are so dynamic. Where as most times the hero is the dynamic while most others are static. In this, most of the characters are challenged as much as Batman to change and be dynamic.... except the Joker. The mother fucker is just nuts. Still, like the character Anton that Javier Bardem plays in "No Country For Old Men" even in his insanity there is a level of value, integrity, honesty and more importantly intelligence that you need to have a supervillian. All around the acting was just superb. Especially by Ledger, Bale, and Eckhart who rocks the shit as Harvey Dent. I don't want to give any of the movie away and be the dick that spoils it for people. So, let's just say I'm probably going to have to see the movie again. Yes, even though I saw it for free it is good enough to drop the 9 bucks on to see again. So make sure you make a visit to your local movie house and check out this flick. The shit is for real, the hype is justified and it far exceeds the first installment. I would write a serious journalistic review, but fuck it. The movie is the shit check it out. Once you all actually see it I'll give my real insight into the film but I'm not going to get up on my high horse on a blog that is supposed to be humorous and talk about the cinematography (which is great by the way) and sound editing (also great). The Dark Kight is awesome so just fuckin see the thing will ya? The End

TV Shows I Miss

Here is the first ever installment of "TV Shows I Miss". I will start doing this regularly until I feel like I don't want to do them anymore. I’m going to start off with a little known and sadly short lived show called Clone High. It was created by the same guys who do the now ABC comedy Scrubs. Clone High was ended way before it’s time and was one of my personal favorites. It was shown in an after school spot on MTV from November of 02’ to February of 03’. The reason for the show’s early departure was because people in India threatened to go on a hunger strike because of how the writers portrayed Gandhi as the non-stop party machine. I’m too lazy to type in the entire plot, so click on the link below to see the show’s intro which sums most of it up:

Clone High Theme: http://youtube.com/watch?v=_ZFdz2vwU20

It revolved around the central characters of Abe Lincoln, Gandhi, Joan of Arc, JFK, and Cleopatra. Other cloned historical figures would pop up randomly throughout the show to add a little bit of flavor. The show played out like your typical teen drama, with love, sex, death, best friend betrayals, drinking, ADD and puberty. But instead of annoying people like James Vandertwat in "Dawson’s Creek," it was done with animated clones. Its point was to make a mockery of the typical teen drama, and it did so very effectively. Still the show had heart behind it that could not be denied, especially in later episodes that sadly did not get seen on MTV because the show was dropped after it's controversy. The writing was amazing and the humor was similar to Scrubs in a lot of ways. You really had to pay attention get some of the jokes and you actually needed to know a little about history to pick up on some of the references. Will Forte, Nicole Sullivan, Donald Faison, Michael McDonald, Christa Miller and a bunch of other people who you will see on Scrubs, lend the voice talent to the show. Special guests would appear usually every week like Jack Black, Marylin Manson, Mandy Moore, Tom Green, Ashley Parker Angel (my personal hero) and Michael J Fox as Gandhi’s remaining kidney. More importantly John Stamos also had a guest spot on the show (how about them apples bitches? Uncle Jesse is the bee’s knees). Bottom line, the show was T-riffic and if you go on youtube you can see more clips of the show like the one below. The thing that sucks donkey nuts for fans such as myself, is that the show came from Canada so if you want the DVD you have to do what I did and order it from the Canadian version of Amazon (And no they don't just sell syrup and copies of the John Candy movie Canadian Bacon. You racist bastards). Thus concludes the first ever installment of TV shows I miss, drink it up like a Daniel Plainview milkshake baby, because more of these bitches will be on the way.

Best of Clone High Episode 1 : http://youtube.com/watch?v=1JOFJO46vog