Monday, July 14, 2008

Jason Bice Around the World: The Big Kentucky Adventure

Me in a graveyard with Jesus!
This weekend I took a trip to Kentucky to see a Louisville Fire game and do other fun things in Louisville and boy was it eventful.
Girls are such skanks!
We left New Castle around 9:30 PM and stopped at the Wal-Mart to get some supplies. While walking through the aisles, my friend noticed a hot girl playing Guitar Hero. She was wearing those sweatpants that have words on the back so in order to read them you have to check out the girls ass! Yeah, they know what they're doing. Anyway, He told me to go find out what her pants said while he went and got some stuff so I did. Well...... I tried. I walked into the aisle and thought to myself, "This will be easy, I'll simply pretend I'm looking at video games and then look nonchalantly as I walk by." Simple enough. So I'm waiting for my chance to look, and waiting, and waiting, then I look and at the exact same time she looks over at me. So I look away real quick and pretend I'm looking at video games but I'm pretty sure she saw me and I never did find out what those freaking pants said!

"I say You He Dead."
After the Wal-Mart fiasco, we were on our way. I slept pretty much the whole way to Kentucky and in the morning, we got to visit a cemetery! This wasn't just any cemetery. Oh No! It was the cemetery where Colonel Sanders himself was buried! Also there was a magician buried there and his grave marker was a full statue of himself. It was pretty awesome and I think Stein should get the same kind of grave when he dies. Some president was buried there too but I don't remember who.

We followed up the trip to the cemetery with a trip to the zoo, which is always very common. The zoo was pretty uneventful but I did notice an unusually high number of pregnant women there. I noticed it when I went to the Pittsburgh Zoo last year as well. What is it with pregnant women and the zoo? It's just weird. Yuck. The part about the zoo I hate most was when I went into this little room, they shut both the doors, and they let all these birds our. The birds all fly around your head and land on you and shit. It was terrible. Some people enjoyed this and even purchased food for these stupid fucking things to eat out of their hands. But not me. Fuck those birds.

My view from the press box
That night we went to the Fire game. The fire is an arena league football team that plays in the same place the Louisville Cardinals play college basketball. The arena itself was pretty sweet. The Fire was down by two touchdowns with a minute left and came back to the the game with like 15 seconds remaining. How did they do this? Well in the arena league, the ball stops on every down when there is less than a minute left in the 4th quarter. It made the game more exciting but then they went and lost it with 15 seconds to go.

Finally, I went to a hotel and went to sleep since there were no skanks around.

The End.

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